


in the shadow of your wings

by sarahshelena



Series: fight & flight [1]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Child Abuse, Complete, Dismemberment, Explicit Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Eye Trauma, F/F, Family Fluff, Feathers & Featherplay, First Time, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internal Conflict, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Past Torture, Pregnancy, Safe Sane and Consensual, Scars, Self-Mutilation, Shame, Sharing a Bed, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, To Be Continued, Touch-Starved, Wing Grooming, Wing Worship, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-05 04:10:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 18,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4165299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahshelena/pseuds/sarahshelena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a sarah/helena take on orphan black in which everyone has wings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. torture + touch

**Author's Note:**

> Orphan Black AU - people are born with unique wings capable of flight
> 
> and sarah & helena fall in love 
> 
> this story will obviously contain incest
> 
> whenever a main character is included in the story I will include links in the notes to photos of the bird their wings belong to
> 
> forgive the bible verse. I'm an atheist so I surprised myself, but something about this verse screamed "Helena!!" at me. 
> 
> this fic is one that I spent a long time on and spent months finishing. I hope you like it, and please let me know if you do. it means a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: 23/9/2015 - Helena's chapter (from the initial part one of this series, now another series) added to the beginning of this fic's chapter one to simplify reading. Links to reference photographs of Sarah and Helena's wings added to notes at the end

  
_"Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me under the shadow of your wings."_  
— Psalm 17:8

  
_“…her wings are cut and then she is blamed for not knowing how to fly.”_  
—  
Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex

* * *

_Helena's wings were the most shocking - not for their plumage but for the fact that she had none - only hideous raised bloody lumps on her shoulder blades that showed she did once have wings. Fledging children's wings, small and frail, that Tomas had clipped off himself to the sound of her screams until he had groomed and twisted her enough that she would mutilate herself without question or request. As soon as she felt the itch that told her they were trying to grow back, she'd take a rasp to the lumps of scar tissue and bone and she felt the torture as bliss, as redemption._

_In the hospital, the doctors were horrified at the mutilation she had undergone, having no explanation for such injuries, what person would do this to another? They had to surgically open up the lumps on her back to drain fluid and reduce the risk of further infections, also to remove some of the scar tissue that was too thick to allow proper regrowth and reassembled the flesh as best they could so she would not be too badly disfigured. Wings were a source of pride and beauty, they distinguished you from another in that they showed you were unique, one. With no wings you might as well have no name._

_They were allowed to grow at the Johannson ranch, Gracie and Henrik even walked in on Tomas about to take a knife to the newly fledging wings._

_When Sarah saw Helena again, she looked more like an avenging angel than she ever had before. Her wings were white, snow-white and massive, and when she embraced a sobbing Sarah, these swan's wings, these angel's wings did too, enshrouding their bloodstained forms, impossibly soft._

_Helena had never flown, not once in her life. Too young at the convent for her tiny wings to lift her off the ground, and when she tried, the nuns would tell her such a god-given pleasure was not for a sinful child such as her. And when Tomas took her away, he took away her identity, he took away her chance to fly._

_So she never believed the stories that she was one of God's little angels. She was a spiteful child, steeped in sin before she first took breath. She had not the right to fly._

_Embraced by Helena in the darkened building overlooking Rachel's apartment, where before there had been fear and revulsion, Sarah had to fight the feeling of safety that welled up inside her as the dust-motes-in-sunlight scent of Helena's wings enfolded her, fragrant and warm._

* * *

Helena had once reached out to touch one of Sarah's ink-black wings, back when she had none of her own, only the hideous lumps of scar tissue arching out from her back. When Sarah had met her in Maggie Chen's apartment, Helena stretched her hand out, a look of desperate longing in her eyes, until Sarah recoiled and Helena drew back, ashamed.

When Sarah first glimpsed Helena's back, sheltered by no wings, and saw the horrendous scarring, she began gagging violently, disturbed at the mutilation Helena had suffered. She couldn't touch Helena's back for a while even _after_ her wings had grown back, she was so traumatised by the memory of her sister's wounds.

* * *

Helena was not at all private about her wings, which had taken months to grow back, but once they had, she couldn't be more enamoured of them. Whenever she caught her reflection, in a mirror, in a window, she could never resist stopping to gaze at her new winged self, whole, reaching over her shoulder and running her calloused fingers over the feathers that felt as fluid as liquid against her skin, astonished that something so beautiful could come of her. She'd hug herself, wrapping her wings around her wiry frame.

* * *

Helena didn't seem to realise that one's wings were a private part of oneself, no matter that others could see them. It was practically taboo for someone to touch another person's wings without consent, but to a childlike mind such as Helena's, it was unfathomable to not be allowed to touch something so beautiful. Sarah had given her a stern talking to about touching people's wings.

"You can touch your own wings, but no one else's and _never_ a stranger's. You got it, meathead?"

Helena frowned, "Do not call me this."

But she persisted, until Sarah had to make allowances for her sister's uncontrollable impulses.

"Alright, Helena. You can touch my wings and maybe Kira's, as long as you're careful with her. Cosima, you'll have to ask, but for _god's_ sake don't make a move for Alison or Felix. You got it?"

In answer, Helena leaned forward and rested her head against the shoulder of Sarah's left wing, pressing her face to the silken feathers and breathing out contentedly, stroking them.

Sarah had to fight a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sarah's wings are based upon the common raven shown here: http://m4.i.pbase.com/g3/09/427509/2/94355524.Tpykgz39.jpg
> 
> and here: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/63/2b/8d/632b8d5658c9007dd803cbdbda296665.jpg
> 
> Helena's wings are based upon the wings of the mute swan, I know we all know it, but the pictures are breathtaking please check them out.
> 
> https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/101/300831590_47ba4c6945_b.jpg
> 
> http://ibc.lynxeds.com/files/pictures/Cygnus_olor_1_0.jpg


	2. chapped lips

Their first kiss was completely unintentional, on both of their parts.

In the abandoned high-rise overlooking Rachel's apartment, their foreheads pressed together, they both misjudged the other's next move. Helena intended to place a kiss on the tip of Sarah's nose, and Sarah was about to close the gap between them and hug Helena, but it ended in a kiss, shocking the two of them with a feeling neither of them expected but neither was unfamiliar with: hunger.

Red lipstick smeared over Sarah's mouth after Helena's lips bumped against hers. They both lingered just a little too long, Helena feeling her heart beating in her throat, and Sarah could taste her breath.

She stepped away suddenly, breaking the kiss. Helena stumbled forward. Her huge white wings suddenly extended and beat the air to keep her from falling, caught off guard by the kiss and Sarah breaking it.

Art stood a ways off, his quizzical expression giving way to shock even after Sarah pulled back. Helena stood unsteadily, folding her wings back behind her, but inching towards Sarah once more, like she had no control over her need to be near to her sister, as if she was affected by a gravitational pull. She stroked Sarah's wings absentmindedly, lost in her own little world.

Shaking the kiss off as a random occurrence, an uncomfortable accident that wouldn't happen again, Sarah put her arm around Helena's back and draped her hand over her sister's shoulder.   

"Come on, meathead."

Helena bumped her head against Sarah's. "Do not call me this."

Their heads pressed together, the white wings and the black brushed softly against each other with the sound of pages being turned.


	3. sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter ties in to a song I have in my helena playlist/fanmix, called 'Sleep' by Kimya Dawson. It's very short but captures helena's innocence perfectly

Helena was a cuddler, which Sarah learnt the hard way.

The night they spent outdoors, sharing a tent, Helena making hand puppets and kissing noises to make her laugh, Sarah felt both uneasy and safe so close to her sister. After switching the light off, she curled up on her side in her sleeping bag, thankful that it reflected body heat. Not a minute passed and Sarah felt something warm against her back. Unnerved, she tensed, but realised it was Helena, not spooning her, but curled up like a pet against her back. Smiling in the dark, Sarah drifted off to sleep.

She woke in the morning to a rather different kind of closeness.

Lying on her back, she found Helena's arms wrapped around her, wings spread haphazardly over the two of them for warmth, face buried in Sarah's chest. Such a childlike show of vulnerability and need for closeness made Sarah's throat tighten. Helena's halo of hair tickled her chin, and Sarah drifted back off to sleep in her sister's arms.


	4. alone

_My sestra will come for me_ , Helena determined, playing with her bottom lip, waiting for her sestra, waiting, waiting, but she never comes. Just like in the hospital, in the police station, now in the Mark-faced boys' military base. Waiting, waiting, waiting for her sestra, but she never comes.

Pupok does. Pupok always comes when she needs him most.

 _Sestra does come in the end, but not to rescue or reunite. Sestra is captured. She quickly tries to enlist our help but doesn't know we know. We know she sold us out. We know she stabbed us and shot us and left us in trunk and left us in basement and left us in hospital and left us in truck and left us in prison and left us in Castor cell, left us alone, alone, alone._

_Not alone,_ Pupok sweetly reminds her, _never alone again, Helena. You don't need **her** , you've survived your whole life without her. What has she ever done for you? **Nothing**. I'm all you have. _

Helena disagrees but not aloud, that would be wrong to say.


	5. betrayal

It was torture squeezing through the gap in the cell door. The butter definitely helped, but she couldn't smear it on her wings because it would soil the feathers and make them useless. She pulled out a few while squirming through the tiny space, gritting her teeth. No pain must let itself be known. She falls to the floor outside her cell, and inhaled deeply. One box down. But how many more to go? Helena doesn't know. Pupok pretends he does, but there's no way of knowing.

She flaps her wings fiercely to rise up to the level of the surveillance camera, and with one vicious swipe, disables it. She hides until the nameless man comes to investigate and sestra distracts him. He walks unwittingly to his own death. Helena, relishing the attack, wings erect, launches herself at him like a bird of prey, forcing him across the room until his head is impaled by a rod of rebar. He dies instantaneously, with a meaty _thunk_ as the metal punctures his brain. Helena works up a mouthful of saliva and spits on him, forgetting the man before she has fully turned away.

Sestra is reaching through the bars, telling Helena, ordering her, get the keys, get me out, help me, Helena, help me.

Helena steps closer, stony-faced, looks her sestra in the eye and speaks, voicing her betrayal. She turns to leave her behind, like she had been so many times before, but Sarah's cries tear her heart and she looks at her sestra.

That's when Sarah says it. "If you leave me...you've got nobody, Helena. You've got nobody."

Helena can almost hear the clicking pincers of her little friend, hear his disparaging voice, _You never **did** have anybody, Helena. Does she think just because you shared a womb that you share the same fate? She's a liar. I'm the only one who's ever been there for you. Now go, stupid!!!_

Helena brutally turns her back on Sarah, feeling the pain of separation screaming inside her, and runs.


	6. captive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~this chapter has been added from the 'additional material' original part two of this series to simplify reading and to round out this fic a bit more. the aforementioned fic has now been deleted, but not to worry, every word of it is safe and sound right here~
> 
> this is after Helena escapes the Castor compound, I wanted to explore what Sarah felt about Helena betraying her and what she went through before being given Rudy's blood.

Soldiers appeared in the prison only minutes after Helena had disappeared through the door. Sarah was still tugging desperately on the bars of her cell door, calling Helena's name, her last cry rising to a scream before the men arrived, undoubtedly to investigate the camera malfunction and why the surveillance soldier was not at his post.

A hush fell over them when they saw him slumped against the wall, still almost upright from the rebar punched through his skull. They'd taken a few steps towards him before they realised nothing could be done.

"You!" one of them started towards Sarah, who still stood at her door, "What happened here?"

Sarah turned away angrily, tears welling in her eyes and did her best to shut out the sounds of them moving around in Helena's cell, finding the tweezers and her ankle shackles, the butter packets and piecing it all together.

The alarm started blaring not long after that.

* * *

An oily voice sounded from the door, "Well, well, looks like your sister left something behind."

It was Rudy, sliding his arms through the bars of Sarah's door, looking utterly at ease and far too pleased with himself, as usual. He was twirling something in his hands. Something white.

Sarah's wings bristled, and she threw herself towards him, snatching at the feather of Helena's that he was playing with. Rudy pulled back just in time, smirking.

"What did you to her, you _bastard?_ I'll rip your fucking lungs out if you-"

"He-le-na," he stressed every syllable in her sister's name, "Is not here. She escaped in the early hours of this morning, with your help, as we saw from the few seconds of footage that captured it." He wasn't smiling now.

"Yeah, well, clearly I'm not helping her any more, am I?" Sarah snapped, "Where did you get that?" her eyes burned dangerously, darting back and forth from Rudy's scarred face to the pristine white feather of her sister's as he twirled it between his fingers.

"Oh, this pretty thing here? Yes, she pulled a few of these out as she was squeezing through those bars. Quite impressive that she managed to fit in her...condition." Rudy grinned, "This one's for me. But I can bring you the rest of them after I get back."

Imagining Rudy dumping two white, bloodstained wings at her feet, that same sadistic grin on his face, Sarah's impassive expression faltered for a moment, and Rudy picked up on it. He moved his face closer to the bars, enjoying how her eyes flickered back and forth from him and the feather between his fingers.

"Yes, Mother is sending me after her. I'll be sure to bring her back, but Mother never specified what state she should be in. And the desert is such a dangerous, unforgivable place. She might not come back in one piece."

The resolve bloomed in her eyes and Rudy moved in the same moment that she did, smoothly darting away just as Sarah clawed through the bars, screaming obscenities at him.

"Shall I give her your regards? I'll make sure she's thinking of you."

He crumpled the feather in his palm, stripped away the white strands and left the quill bare on the dirt floor.


	7. return

"You came back."

Helena leans over Sarah, looking into her dust-speckled face, and speaks, her voice gravelly, "I never left you."

And she lowers her head and kisses her sestra, knowing she tastes of the desert, of sweat and sand, but Sarah sighs against her lips and kisses her back, blood, tears and dirt, and Helena could burst with joy. She wants to never part from these lips, but knows they must leave. She breaks away from Sarah regretfully.

"Come, _sestra_. We make kisses later. People miss us."

They make their way out of the tunnel and into the open night air. Helena takes Sarah's hand for a moment, then drops it and reaches out to touch one of her wings, looks at her. Sarah nods.

They step away from each other, and both stretch carefully for a minute. Helena shakes her wings out until they stand over three metres out from her body on either side, snow-white and strongly muscled at the joints and joins to her body. She flaps them once or twice to shake off the dust and dirt, and looks over to Sarah, who is doing the same, and they both check for any breakages or mussed feathers. There's hardly any time to preen or prepare.

They both begin to run within a split second of each other, wings beating fiercely. Sarah is in the air in about ten seconds, but it takes Helena a bit longer, having being imprisoned for so long and having never flown before her first escape.

Helena feels her wings lift her into the air and whoops delightedly before following Sarah, eyes set in determination, wings pumping, her muscles aching after so long in the cell, but it is a good ache. And she'll become stronger again.


	8. safe

It'd taken them days, but they made it to a small town in the middle of nowhere. Helena bet what little money they had managed to steal and won enough to pay for a few nights to stay in a shitty motel and a phone call. They shared the double bed in the motel room for the first night and all the nights after.

Sarah collapsed onto the bed on her stomach, exhausted, wings trailing onto the floor, dusty with sand. Helena jumped onto the bed, bouncing a few times before settling. She lay her head on Sarah's pillow.

"Sarah."

"Mnnnghh?"

"We sleep now?" She snuggles closer, her body curving to fit against Sarah's, warm and tempting.

Sarah wants to sleep, and doesn't. She wants to explore this age-old hunger she's felt for Helena so long but she can barely get the words out when she says, "Yeah, Helena. We sleep now." Her eyes are dragged shut by exhaustion and she succumbs.

Helena kisses her on the forehead, wanting to kiss her lips.

"Good night, sestra."

She curls up into Sarah's side, tired, but happy and safe. She unfolds her wings and spreads them over Sarah and herself for warmth.

"Don't let the bedbugs bite." Helena whispers. She drifts happily off to sleep for the second time in her life.


	9. skin

Sarah dozes fitfully on the sagging mattress in their room, constantly waking from the sound of her feathers rustling every time she turns over. Finally, she can't take it any more and sits up.

She casts a glance over at Helena, fast asleep next to her in her cargo pants and tank top, which has to be the thinnest, loosest and most filthy shirt Sarah has ever seen.

 _That outfit's been through the wars, and she has too_.

Helena sleeps soundly, with her lips slightly parted. Sarah finds herself staring at them, thinking about them, how hungry they were, how eager, and so soft...

Helena groans loudly in her sleep, and Sarah jumps, realising what she'd been dwelling on and expects the guilt and revulsion to hit her, but it doesn't.

She has no negative or off-putting feelings at the thought of kissing her sister.

Sarah slumps over and puts her head in her hands, "Shite."

Helena's eyelids flicker, and she sits up next to Sarah, rubbing her eyes.

" _Sestra_?" she groans sleepily, "Why do you wake?"

"Because I can't sleep, meathead."

"Sssshhhhhhhh..." Helena whispers, reaching out and stroking Sarah's hair, "It is not so bad here. Very nice place to stay."

Sarah looks around at the cracked and yellowing paint, the rickety painted wood furniture and the vase of dead flowers next to the bed.

"Yeah," she remarks drily, "Five stars."

Helena's fingers combing through her hair is so soothing, and Sarah feels her head lolling.

"Do you think you can sleep now, _sestra_?"

The silence is thick and heavy, almost painful as it crushes Sarah, who can't think of anything but the feel of her twin's mouth, and she wants to punch something because of it.

The quiet fills her, the solitude and isolation of the middle of the night that leads us to make snap decisions without thought. Longing welled up inside her, rising up her throat and spilling into her mouth.

"Helena?"

"Yes?"

Sarah turns and presses her lips against her sister's, feeling a gasp against her mouth, her lips parting, tasting, consuming, her warm breath pouring in, and Sarah feels as if her insides are igniting.

Helena's hands rise to stroke Sarah's face, and she pulls Sarah in closer. She pushes Sarah onto her back, climbing on top of her predatorily, and tilts her head. She looks down at Sarah for a long time, an unreadable expression on her face, and her eyes are dark. When she speaks her voice is low, gravelly, aroused.

"Sarah. We make love, yes?"

Lying there in the bed with Helena sitting atop her, Sarah felt so sure and so scared she didn't know what to say. So she just nodded.

And Helena bent down to kiss her, with a greedy mouth and chapped lips. Sarah felt Helena plucking at her filthy shirt, pulling it up over her head and then tug at the catch on her pants insistently. Soon Sarah was exposed to her gaze, completely vulnerable to those eyes that stripped her down even further than nakedness, but saw nothing but worth.

"You are beautiful, _sestra_." Helena informs her.

And Sarah can't even remember if someone's ever said that to her before, or with such conviction. She blinks away the tears that sting her eyes and reaches for Helena, pressing her lips against her mirror image, being slow and gentle with Helena, taking off her trousers, then her shirt, then her underwear, her hands shaking and her heart pounding the whole time, until they are both completely bare. Bruised, pale and dirty, Helena uses her white, dust-streaked wings to cover herself.

"Hey, hey," her anxiety forgotten, Sarah touches Helena's cheek, "What's wrong?"

Her pale form hidden under dirt-speckled feathers, Helena's eyes dart up to hers,"In convent, nuns told us that God could see every sinful thought and shameful desire. I am always having these for you. And I feel dirty for them."

Her monotone voice didn't give much away, but Sarah could see the pain in her eyes, hating the people who had put it there, and she sat up, winding her arms around Helena, cradling her face, curling around her naked form, soothing her.

Sarah raised her hands over Helena's bare back, hovered, fingers trembling... and stroked her wings softly, sweeping the dust from them, grainy streaks being brushed away, turning the feathers back to pure white. Sarah's fingers curled around each wing joint, caressing, loving...

Helena's massive wings parted, revealing her naked, stained form and their embrace suddenly shifted, the innocence dissolving, and Sarah's hands began to move with intention, softly brushing over her sister's milk-pale skin that looked like it'd never been exposed to sunlight, stroking her breasts, pink-white and translucent, shot through with small blue veins, which were almost invisible under the pale skin. Helena's gasp tears the silence as she arches into Sarah's touch, moaning, " _Sestra_..."

Sarah bends her head to take a rose-pink nipple in her mouth, warm and soft against her lips and it stiffens when it touches her tongue. She scrapes her teeth lightly against it, kissing the reddening bud before moving to Helena's other breast, feeling her heart beating fiercely beneath. Fingers comb through Sarah's hair lovingly, Helena gazing down at her with something akin to reverence in her eyes before her head falls back in ecstasy, pushing herself harder against her sister, her grip on Sarah's hair tightening.

"Sarah..." she groaned, "I feel..."

Sarah raised her head, "Yeah?"

"Too warm. There is warmth inside me. I think, I don't..."

Sarah slipped her hand between Helena's thighs, searching... her fingers suddenly meeting slick heat.

Helena gasped sharply, "Sarah!"

"There?"

"Ye- Yes." Helena moaned, pressing her forehead to Sarah's shoulder, sliding arms around her and palms splayed across her back, cupping the feathered shoulder blades. Sarah's fingers parted her gently, running a finger through the wetness, and circled Helena's clitoris. Helena's hips jerked violently and she cried, "Sarah!" clinging onto her fiercely.

Sarah was dipping her fingertips in and out of her, Helena's nails digging into her skin, cutting deeper the longer Sarah teased her.

"Sarah, Sarah, please." Helena's hands crept into Sarah's hair. She couldn't even form words, didn't even know what she was begging for.

"Lie back," Sarah murmured, her hand on Helena's chest. She placed a kiss on Helena's belly, shifting onto her stomach as she settled between her legs, heart hammering against her ribcage, feeling no regret or revulsion.

Her lips met soft hairs that tickled her nose and chin, and using the tips of her fingers, she parted the silken folds, pressed her open mouth against the slick flesh, and a grating cry assailed Sarah's ears as she traced Helena's clit with her tongue and stroked her thighs. From the way Helena was panting and pulling at her hair, she was already close. Sarah took Helena's clit between her teeth gently, then sucked on it a bit less gently. And Helena screamed Sarah's name, pulling her hair so hard her scalp burned.

It took a few moments until Helena's scream died down and her grip on Sarah's hair loosened. She exhaled heavily, raising herself shakily on her elbows to look at Sarah.

"Sarah."

"Yeah?" Sarah sat up, licking her lips, enjoying Helena's taste more than she probably should.

"This was wonderful, Sarah." Helena sat up too, crossing her legs under her until she was face-to-face with Sarah, "Tell me, how did you make this feeling in me?"

Sarah reached between her sister's legs once more, her fingers finding Helena's clit once more, and Helena twitched suddenly, gasping.

"That is it?"

"Yeah, it's your clitoris, your clit. It's a little bump right there, a bundle of nerves, basically. All women have one, and let me tell you, all men should know that and how to treat it."

"You are very good at treatment of my clit, Sarah."

Sarah laughed loudly, but was silenced when Helena's hand moved between her thighs, tentative and curious.

" _Sestra_. I make you feel good too."

Sarah couldn't speak. Every cell in her body was crying out for this, every pore tingling. Helena's fingers traced over Sarah's clit, making her body jerk unexpectedly, Helena sighed, "Theeere it is..." and pressed a kiss to Sarah's neck before ducking her head and settling between Sarah's legs, strong hands firmly straightening crossed legs and pushing Sarah back to lay on the bed.

"I make you feel good, _sestra_." Helena whispered, lowering her head between Sarah's legs. Her warm, wet mouth descended on Sarah's soaking cunt, and a strangled scream tore its way out of her throat at the feel of Helena's lips and tongue, circling her clit then dipping back down. Helena stopped for just a moment, studying between her sestra's legs, then tilted her head and slowly slid her tongue into Sarah.

"Jesus Christ!!!" Sarah yelled, her hips thrusting into Helena's face. Helena giggled madly, that hiccuping guffaw that always made Sarah smile.

"You scream like the devil, Sarah."

"Shite, Helena, how in the bloody hell did you know to do that?"

"I did not know this. I only wanted to taste you."

"Well, _fuck_. That was-"

"I wonder if finger will feel as good to you..."

"I can assure you that- _Holy shit!_ " Sarah yelped in surprise as Helena slipped a middle finger into her, and her eyes rolled back into her head in ecstasy as Helena slid her index finger beside the first.

"Oh, god..." Sarah instinctively parted her legs wider, running her fingers over Helena's wrist, "That feels amazing."

Helena, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth, with two fingers inside Sarah, swirled them, making Sarah shudder in delight. Grinning at this point, Helena managed to fit a third finger in and Sarah's hand clamped down on Helena's wrist with a groan, "Your fingers... push them in harder."

Happy to comply, Helena pushed the three digits further into Sarah until they were inside her up to the knuckle. At Sarah's breathy demands, Helena began to slowly slide them out and push them back in, Sarah moaning and writhing sensually under her. Confident that she could continue with this, Helena bent back to her task of licking every millimetre of Sarah's cunt, tracing up and down Sarah's labia with her tongue, flicking it against her clit and lapping up the moisture that seemed to flow faster the more she consumed.

Sarah found her hands rising to her own breasts to pluck and pinch at her nipples. Her body was so sensitive she'd twitch at every flick of Helena's tongue and she felt the cresting wave of her orgasm building.

Her moans were steadily rising in pitch until Helena, probably from a cramp in her fingers, curled them ever so slightly, and Sarah came, screaming her sister's name, hands buried in untamable blonde hair, body arching off the bed and Helena's mouth still affixed to her, never letting go, never letting up. Her tongue flicked against Sarah's clit again and again – that's when Sarah's second orgasm hit her, before she'd even gotten over the first. Warm, clear fluid rushed from her all of a sudden and ran in rivulets down Helena's arm and dripped from her chin.

Watching Sarah from the warm apex between her thighs, Helena gave one last steady thrust of her fingers and Sarah came for the third time, jerking involuntarily, crying out her sister's name, and Helena closed her eyes in bliss at the sound.

Sarah fell back onto the mattress, beaded with sweat, stained with sex, and Helena's hand slid from her, wet and slippery. She brought her hand up to her lips, laving her fingers with her tongue, sucking the taste of Sarah from them, eyes on her sestra the whole time.

" _Ew!_ " Sarah laughed breathlessly, kicking out at Helena limply, who simply giggled and grinned, licking her lips and paused to shake her feathers out, then flumped onto the bed beside Sarah, turning onto her back, so they were shoulder to shoulder.

"In convent, nuns told us that it is where sin comes from." Helena stared up at the ceiling as she spoke, "That it was bad place to touch."

Sarah glanced over at her sister, suppressing the rage that welled up inside her at these self-righteous assholes who had so damaged her twin, and raised herself up on one elbow, "That's bullshit, Helena. All that comes from there are good feelings... and babies, sometimes."

"Kira came from there?" Helena sat up and peered inquisitively at the dark hair between Sarah's legs.

"Yeah." Sarah's fingers stroked Helena's thigh absentmindedly and she relaxed back onto the bed, "Come here." She sighed as Helena lay back down so her upper body was on top of Sarah's, breast to breast, looking straight at her.

Sarah bit her lip before she asked, "How did it feel... when I touched you there?"

"Felt like when we first kiss." Helena smiled blissfully, remembering.

Sarah laughed, "Then it's a good feeling?"

"I thought nothing could feel like kisses," she said doubtfully.

"Yeah, well, live and learn." Sarah grinned at Helena from on her back as Helena leant in and nibbled Sarah's chin playfully, then rested her own chin on Sarah's chest, pressing soft kisses to her skin.

Sarah slung her right arm around Helena, the other lay between them against her own stomach, the warm weight of Helena's breasts pressed to the small sensitive hairs that dusted Sarah's arm. Sarah unfolded her wings, black as night, enfolding her sister in darkness.

"I love you." Helena whispered into the dark, Sarah's feathers warm and soft as sin against her cheek, her eyes wide open, silently begging God for this one gift, the only person she had ever wanted.

A long time passed and Helena drifted off uneasily.

When Sarah spoke, her voice faltered, but not for telling a lie. The tears spilled warm from her eyes and ran down her cheeks, cooling before they reached her lips.

"I love you too, Helena."

Salty droplets fell from her words and splashed silently onto her chest. Helena slept on.


	10. slumber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~this chapter has been added from the 'additional material' part two of this series to simplify reading and to round out this fic a bit more. the aforementioned fic has now been deleted, but not to worry, every word of it is safe and sound right here~

Some time after they both fell asleep, Helena woke with Sarah's arms around her, her sister's fingers buried in the pinfeathers over her shoulder blades, warm palms pressed against the scarred flesh of her back, which was sensitive but not painful.

It felt nice. 

It felt like safety. 

She burrowed deeper under the blankets with her sestra, falling asleep almost instantly.


	11. hunger

Helena wakes first, sprawled over half the bed, tummy rumbling and watches Sarah sleep, remaining quiet as a church mouse...until Sarah wakes. You could swear Helena had some kind of sugar hit from the way she practically pounced on her.

"Sarah! We must eat! Come!"

She tugs on Sarah's shirt insistently.

"Nnnnghhhh, piss off." Sarah grumbles but follows, still half asleep.

Helena calls to the woman behind the counter, "Lady!! Food!! We must have food!"

"Oi, oi, don't be rude. You sit down and I'll ask."

Helena plonks herself into the closest chair, slapping the table insistently.

Sarah speaks to the lady haltingly in a different language and the woman nods, casting a strange glance at Helena as she brings them food.

Helena stuffs whatever she can in her mouth, so much it's a wonder she can chew. She swallows and grins before shoveling more in.

Sarah eats messily too, then groans when she's full and pushes the plate towards Helena who giggles delightedly and finishes it off, then burps, muttering, "excuse me."

"What do we do now, _sestra_?"

Sarah slumps in her chair, "I dunno."


	12. cleansed

Feeling grimy from their time in the Castor prison, Sarah suggested a shower for the two of them, but Helena shook her head emphatically, as if the very idea of soap offended her. They both still smelt of sex, each of them permeated with the sweat and musk of the other, like a scent mark, a territorial claim. Helena so refused to bathe, as if afraid it would wash away what happened the night before.

Eventually Sarah talked her into it, pushing her still-complaining sister into the bath under the lukewarm spray and stepping in with her. She soaped under her arms and the back of her neck, scrubbing her face and everywhere else, down to the bottoms of her feet. She soaped her hair too, there being no shampoo to hand. She passed the bar of soap to Helena, who sniffed it and made a face. 

"Oh, go on, it's not gonna bite ya," Sarah poked Helena's belly, "It'll wash away the sweat and the dirt. And you stink." 

Sarah grinned at Helena's answering scowl and took up the comb that rested in the soap dish, easing it through her scraggly hair, starting from the very ends and working her way up until she could sweep the comb through her hair and it didn't snag. Mostly. 

Helena had finished scrubbing, she simply stood and stretched under the warm spray, brown-stained suds being rinsed off her skin and bubbling down the drain. Sarah watched her sister rubbing her hands all over her wet, shining body to dislodge any remaining soap, and the by-now familiar hunger ached between her legs. She motioned for Helena to turn around, then began to comb her hair. It took a lot longer than Sarah's own, and a few of the comb's teeth broke off, but she managed. 

"There." Sarah plucked the last of the plastic teeth from Helena's sodden mane of hair and flicked it away. 

She realised as Helena turned that they stood only a few inches apart, but had barely touched the whole time, and Helena seemed to have thought the same, placing her hand on Sarah's hip, glancing up at her through wet eyelashes. 

Closing her eyes, Sarah let her body respond, feeling a thumb sweeping over her hipbone teasingly, and a warm palm pressing against her back, pulling her in. Moist lips kissed her neck, and slippery fingers moved between her legs, hesitating for a moment, then slid slowly into her. Sarah's back arched, her heavy, water-saturated wings quivering as Helena thrust gently into her, still kissing her neck, teeth clipping Sarah's skin, hand moving up and down her back, slow and deliberate. Helena swept her thumb over Sarah's clit, circling, and she felt her sestra's shuddering orgasm possess her body, lifting her onto her toes, trembling. 

Sarah suddenly sagged in Helena's arms, gasping, utterly boneless. Helena held her upright, nuzzling her neck and kissing her lips while Sarah drifted back into her own body, stretching into her own skin like putting on a shirt you haven't worn for a while, her fingers tingling and limbs numb. 

Helena kissed her, and Sarah was herself again. 

Sarah bent down and plugged the drain, filling the bath with clean water, and the two of them spent the last few minutes bathing their wings properly, fluffing their feathers out, sweeping them through the pool of water, shaking the water off, submerging again, rinsing the evidence of the prison from their feathers, beating their wings free of the desert. 

* * *

Of course it didn't remove the scent of Sarah from Helena's body. They spent that very night together again, the silence broken by soft sighs and shuddering limbs, caressing fingers and moist skin. They loved each other again and again, and every time felt like a reaffirmation of their bone-deep connection, neither of them stopped to think of repercussions or consequences at all. Sarah, because she hated the thought of being judged and rejected for it, and Helena because she never thought of those things. This was here, this was now, and Sarah was hers. 

"I love you." Helena breathed, lying shaking with aftershocks on the sheets that smelled of her sestra. 

This time when Sarah choked out, "I love you too," Helena heard her. She smiled, wrapping her arms around Sarah and drifting off to sleep. 

When they woke in the morning, Helena grinned at Sarah, taking her hand and kissing her wrist, her palm and her fingers, the scent of last night still lingering on her skin.


	13. coming home

A soft knock on the door had Helena sitting bolt upright in an instant, dropping Sarah's hand and pulling a knife out from under the pillow. She held a finger to her lips and stepped out from under the sheets, slinking naked over to the door and standing by the light switch, knife glinting in her hand, her scarred body glowing in the morning light that struggled its way through the dirty yellow curtains.

"Who is it?" Helena's guttural voice would have sent any cleaning staff running for cover.

"Benjamin."

Sarah blinked in surprise, holding her hand out to Helena, whispering, "It's ok, he's ok."

Helena nodded, her brow furrowed uncertainly, but she unlocked the door, opening it and facing Siobhan's right hand man, who was looking utterly surprised to see Helena stark naked with a knife pointed right at him. He tried his best to hide it, pointedly not looking at her but sending a nod in her general direction as he made his way into the tiny room.

Sarah found her voice, "So, S sent you?"

"Yes, and I hope you're both-" Benjamin studied Sarah sitting with the sheets pulled up to her chin, clearly naked underneath, "...well. S said it probably wouldn't be a good idea for her to come right now, so she sent me with the documentation."

"Thanks, Benjamin."

Sarah was trying hard not to panic. Why had she signaled to Helena to let him in? If he had eyes and half a brain he could put two and two together and deduce that they had just spent the night in the same bed, both nude.

"So S had not the courage to face me?" Helena drawled, walking back to the bed, "She knows that when I see her next, I will kill her."

Benjamin raised his eyebrows slightly but did not comment. Helena padded over to the chair their clothes were draped over and pulled a shirt on, pushing an armful of clothes at Sarah, "Come, _sestra_ , we must dress. Benjamin is seeing far too much of you, _prekrasnyy_."

Helena circled Benjamin, her bare white legs sticking out from under the large shirt, wings arched over her shoulders and her head tilted, and to his credit, Benjamin didn't seem in the least bit threatened. For a man S trusted with practically everything, he seemed far too gentle to be one of hers.

"The passports are there, IDs and cash." Benjamin told Sarah as she struggled under the sheets putting on underwear, "Not much, but enough to get you wheels and food on your way home."

"Wait," Sarah sat up in surprise, the sheet falling to her waist, "You're not coming with us?"

Benjamin looked away and coughed delicately.

Sarah looked down to see her own bare breasts, "Oh, shite, sorry, Benjamin." She yanked the sheet back up.

"S thought it better if I didn't. Two sisters on a road trip would raise little suspicion, but with a creepy looking old geezer like me? It's probably not best if I tagged along."

Helena giggled behind him and he turned inquisitively, "Yes?"

She giggled again, "Creepy old...geezer." She burst out laughing.

Benjamin smiled, turning back to Sarah, "If you don't need me for anything else...?" He shrugged.

Sarah yanked a shirt on over the sheet that covered her chest, "No, but don't you want to stay a bit and eat before you set off? The lady in the cantina makes a mean beef burrito."

"No, Sarah, but thank you. Helena," Benjamin inclined his head to her politely before leaving, closing the door quietly behind him.

" _Shite,_ what are we gonna do if he tells S we're lounging around naked in a motel room in Mexico?" Sarah put her head in her hands.

"Where are these burritos?"

* * *

Sarah felt herself relax slightly as their taxi moved through downtown Toronto. Helena sat close beside her, body pressed against her sestra, leaning on her hip and into Sarah; so her wings, much larger than average, would fit comfortably behind her on the seat, angling away from her and along the lines of her body.

Sarah felt a cold nose nuzzle into her neck and the gentle touch sent a warm jolt of desire under her skin. She wanted to turn to Helena and kiss her, curl around her body, slide her hands under her sister's clothes. She trembled with the effort of keeping still.

Helena grinned against Sarah's skin, knowing the effect she was creating. She nipped at the tender flesh and Sarah groaned. Helena pulled back slowly, lifting her eyes to Sarah's, who shook her head threateningly, "If we were alone right now..."

Helena giggled low in her throat, her hands creeping along Sarah's knees, beneath the coat and stroking her thighs.

"Helena, no." Sarah whispered firmly, pushing her hands away. She stopped at the hurt look on her sister's face.

"We can't do those things around other people. Around anyone. And we can't tell the family, okay, Helena? That means not Felix, not Kira, not Cosima, not Alison and not Mrs. S, not anybody. Alright? We have to keep it a secret."

Helena's face was impassive, but Sarah kept eye contact with her as if she was staring down an aggressive animal. After a good five seconds, Helena nodded silently.

The taxi stopped outside Felix's place and Sarah tossed several crumpled twenties over the front seat, "Thanks, mate."

They both clambered out of the car, Helena stretching like a cat, straightening and flexing her wings experimentally before folding them back underneath her calf-length black coat that had two long slashes down the back. She took Sarah's hand, gazing up at the tall graffitied building, "We see Sestra Alison and Sestra Cosima now?"

"Yeah, and Fe." Sarah murmured, feeling a twinge of nostalgia.

"Brothersestra."

"Yeah. Come on, meathead." Sarah tugged Helena towards the apartment block.

Helena frowned, "Do not call me this."

They made their way up the concrete steps, holding hands all the way. Helena made for the sliding door, but Sarah squeezed her hand, "Helena, wait."

Helena looked at her inquisitively.

Sarah stroked her cheek, holding Helena's hand tightly.

"Don't feel ashamed. You shouldn't have to. I love you. And we aren't hurting each other. We aren't hurting anyone." Sarah wished she felt as self-assured as she sounded.

Helena nodded silently, not looking at her.

Ignoring the twinge in her gut that she only ever felt about her sister, Sarah pulled the door open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Ok so in this fic I decided that it _would_ be Benjamin who arrived with the passports and papers for the sestras so as to create more drama later bc I am an asshole.)


	14. truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felix's wings are the wings of the European starling:
> 
> http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_b2KMBq3RruI/TKIf_rYqe6I/AAAAAAAAAis/C_EjEh3AGIM/s1600/european_starling_1.jpg
> 
> Cosima's wings are based upon the wings of the scarlet macaw, with a slightly differentiated color tone, instead of red, yellow, green and sky blue, they are as shown in the first photo, the second shows the underside of her wings. 
> 
> http://cache2.asset-cache.net/gc/462809583-scarlet-macaw-spreads-its-wings-gettyimages.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=UHNR4gcxSrbkDKk2tnKU3BHlCklV4WbZhqam%2Ff15m%2Bo0eCpqe%2FIE5SfIGkvgd553
> 
> http://www.allaboutcreation.com.au/uploads/5/9/9/9/5999305/7954877_orig.jpg
> 
> Alison's wings are based upon the roseate spoonbill, I know people would automatically think flamingo for Alison and I did too, but they have a lot of black in them and are very puffy-looking which I don't think would suit her; after honestly months of thinking about it I decided on this bird:
> 
> http://stlucieaudubon.org/images/BirdPhotos/RoseateSpoonbill2.JPG
> 
> https://birdwildlifephotographyblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/roseate-spoonbill-ajaja-ajaja-alafia-banks-w-copy.jpg

"Oh my god!" Felix jumped up from the sofa and threw his arms around Sarah as she still clung to Helena's hand. His speckled, iridescent wings wrapped around her as he clung to her head so tightly she thought she'd suffocate.

"Oh, Sarah!" Alison's deep pink wings fluttered nervously as she pressed her hand to her chest in relief. Felix released Sarah, so Alison could hug both her and Helena one at a time. Cosima grinned as she embraced them each in turn.

All hugged out, Sarah gasped, "I need a drink," and made her way into the kitchen. She reappeared with a bottle of bourbon and took a hearty swig straight from the mouth of it, casting a look around the room at her brother and sisters, turning back into the kitchen and resting her elbows on the high bench, coal-black wings drooping to the floor, her head down and her brow pressed to the cool glass of the bottle.

Alison watched Sarah with a strange look on her face, "Helena," she looked over at Sarah's twin intently, "Did anything..." she rested her hands on her knees, "... _happen_ while you two were away?"

Helena blinked in surprise at having everyone's attention on her. Felix looked particularly suspicious while Alison was concerned and Cosima simply bemused, and maybe a little worried.

Helena opened her mouth and closed it again. Sarah had said she must not tell. That she must keep secret. She'd never been good at keeping secrets as she'd never had any to keep.

"Are you hurt? Is the baby okay?" Alison's voice jumped a whole octave in panic, her wings fluffing up around her.

"I think so." Helena looked down at her unchanged stomach and poked her belly button, "Yes," she said firmly, "Baby is fine."

Alison looked skeptical, but Felix knew better than to question Helena when she felt she had given you sufficient information, and nudged Alison with his shoulder. She visibly relaxed, pink wings settling against her back again, "What happened...exactly?" Alison directed this towards Sarah, who didn't answer.

"Dirty Paul helped us." Helena offered up, "He killed one of the Mark-faced boys and made big explosion. He was a good man in the end."

""In the end?"" Felix blinked in shock.

"Yeah." Sarah stalked out of the kitchen, "He's dead. Bloody bastard spent the last few minutes of his life saving mine. And don't I feel blessed."

"Paul is...dead?" Felix gaped at her; Cosima and Alison could only stare.

"If he had not, Sarah and I would never have found each other again." Helena said, mostly to herself, considering the outcome.

"' _Again?_ '" Alison's eyebrows jumped together at Helena's comment, "I thought that you were _both_ imprisoned by Castor."

"We were," Helena picked at a loose thread on her trousers nonchalantly,  _keep the secret, keep the secret,_ "We were separated."

Sarah visibly tensed, silently glancing over at her sister, which didn't go unnoticed.

"Well, you must be tired after your journey," Alison stood up, smoothing down creases in her purple jeans, "Should I make up Felix's bed for you?"

"Oi!" Felix protested...until Alison shot him a look that shut him up.

"You can sleep on the couch, Felix, they've been through quite enough without a night spent on that thing."

"Don't you know what I _do_ in that bed?" Felix said incredulously, but Alison just rolled her eyes, "I'll change the sheets, obviously. We don't want Sarah getting pregnant to your bed."

Cosima and Felix laughed, but Sarah shouted over them, " _Clearly_ I won't be sleeping naked in your bed, Fe!"

"You did last time." Felix muttered darkly.

"But we don't sleep with clothes, Sarah." Helena corrected her.

The whole room fell silent at this.

Felix let out an awkward giggle, like the one laugh at a funeral, but the expression slowly slid off his face.

There was a smash of breaking glass - Sarah had dropped the bottle of bourbon.

"Shite," she breathed, dropping to her knees, scrabbling on the floor to pick up the shards and mop up the spill.

"Sarah?" Cosima's voice reached her as she bled into the puddle of booze, not knowing how or where she was cut.

"Helena, you said..." Sarah's voice dropped to a whisper. Helena had never actually said or promised she would stay silent, "I told you not to say anything."

"I...did not mean to." Helena faltered, starting to tremble in fear of punishment.

Sarah dropped her head onto her bleeding hands that were still swimming in alcohol, whispering, "God, Jesus, fuck."

"Sarah?" Alison's concerned, motherly tone got through to her and she stood shakily, stepping around the bourbon and making her way over to her family.

"What..." Alison paused uncertainly, "What did Helena mean...when she said you two don't sleep with clothes?"

"She..." Sarah's eyes began filling with tears, "She meant when we sleep together."

At the look on Alison's face, Sarah spat out, "Yeah. When we fuck. I guess it was only a matter of time before you found out." Sarah's voice was gravelly and bitter, and she cast a look over at Helena who stood like a woman condemned. 

Sarah's head snapped back to Felix and her other sisters, eyes blazing, vision blurred by tears, "I've been screwing my sister and I'm a fucking freak for it. And I'm fucking sorry. I don't know why I am, but I wish you didn't know and I wish I didn't. I wish this wasn't a fucking problem, I-"

Helena stepped towards Sarah, reaching for her. "Sarah..."

But Sarah pulled away, "No, Helena."

Helena's eyebrows drew together in confusion, and her voice was so small and fragile when she spoke, "But, Sarah... you lie with me. You say you love me too. You say we are to be secret but why keep secret from sestras and brothersestra? Sarah?"

But Sarah lifted her hands out of Helena's reach, shaking her head and backing away, squeezing her eyes shut, as if she was trying to block all of it out. Felix watched, wide-eyed as she was getting more upset and more evasive as she did when she was pressed about something. She was preparing to run and he knew it.

Helena's voice broke, "Sarah, I love you." Wiping her nose and shaking with grief (or disbelief), tears spilled from Helena's eyes and from over on the couch, Alison let out a sob. Sarah flinched at the sound, shifting anxiously from foot to foot, deliberating.

"Sarah, calm down." a voice said gently.

Sarah's head whipped around to Cosima on the couch, who raised her hands peaceably, "It's okay. No one here is judging you."

Sarah stared at her, shocked, and Cosima turned towards Alison as if waiting for something. Alison nodded minutely, giving a hiccup and choking out, "I- me, me and Beth, we..." she burst into tears and Cosima rubbed her back soothingly, glanced up and smiled at Helena, then looked to Sarah who was staring at Alison uncomprehendingly.

"It's okay, Sarah. You're not the only one."

"But she's- she's my sister!" Sarah was shocked by their reaction, and felt angered by their acceptance, like she _wanted_ them to be disgusted, but Cosima shook her head in that infuriating way she does when she thinks she knows better.

"Sarah, I know that you are twins and that you were born of the same ovum and from the same mother, but you were raised entirely separate. You weren't brought up together and so the romantic and sexual aversion to her as a sibling isn't there. This _has_ happened before, maybe not with twins, but with brothers and sisters and even parents and their children. People who had never met before and never knew they were related before they became involved. This situation may be a little different, but as long as you are both happy and safe about it, and no one is being hurt or manipulated it's ok."

Cosima's eyes were sympathetic behind her glasses and Sarah could see she firmly believed what she had just said.

Felix, unable to speak, visibly nodded, and Alison smiled tearily, hiccuping once more, "Sarah, you and Helena, you..." she sniffed once, "...you _fit._ I've never seen two people more in sync. You make Helena calm, you're both so at ease when the other is around, anyone can see it and- and I love you both. I want you to be happy, whoever you're with."

Sarah couldn't believe what she was hearing and turned to Felix, expecting at least a little trepidation.

"Fe?"

"I don't think I quite filled you in on what went down between me and Tony, did I?" Felix said hesitantly, almost squirming as he spoke. All three women looked at him.

"...Well, we kind of, almost, not really... ended up snogging."

All three women began talking at once.

"Nice one, Felix," Cosima grinned, patting him on the back good-naturedly.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" Alison squeaked indignantly, "I told you about the-"

She snapped her mouth shut and didn't say another word.

Meanwhile Sarah's mouth had fallen open and was now stretching into a wild grin, "Fe, you bloody-!"

"Oi, don't you start!"

"I'm not, it's just-" Sarah burst out laughing, "clearly I'm not the only one who's got a thing for my sister-"

"Ew! Eeewww, no, Sarah, no!! That is _not_ what it was!!" Felix cringed as Sarah cracked up.

"Well, whatever it was will have to wait. Sarah." Cosima stared at her levelly.

"What?" Sarah snapped, defensive once again.

In answer, Cosima looked pointedly at the open door.

Helena was gone.


	15. run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone who commented. it means a lot and I won't forget it. it really helped me and now I have a bunch more ideas to write in. thanks ever so xxx
> 
> 'Run' by AWOLNATION is a great song which is in my orphan black fanmix, you should check it out :)

Sarah sprinted down the poorly-lit street, wings beating the air, spurring her on faster, black shadows striking people as she raced past every pedestrian, searching frantically for that unmistakeable mane of hair, knowing how Helena could just disappear when she wanted to. Screaming her sister's name, she skidded to a stop at an intersection.

"Helena!!!" Sarah put as much force into her shout as possible, praying that one of the people milling around her would turn, and she'd see that malevolent grin from beneath a mass of frizzy blonde hair, shadowed by a hood.

But no one turned and no one offered help.

"Shit!" Sarah fought a sob, choking down the despair that was rising in her, that maybe that had been her last chance and she'd fucked it up, " _Helena!!!!!!"_ Sarah screamed, fear and desperation colouring her cry. This was it. Helena had disappeared all because Sarah had chosen shame over her feelings. After she'd told Helena they shouldn't have to feel ashamed and that they weren't hurting anyone. But she'd hurt her. Remembering the look on Helena's face, Sarah's hands fisted in her own hair, tightening, her scalp searing with pain as hysteria welled up inside her.

Sarah threw herself against the wall of the building that stood on the corner, beating the exposed brick with her bare hands, screaming in rage and frustration.

Then the fight suddenly drained out of her, her legs collapsed from under her and she crumpled, falling to the pavement. Raindrops pattered gently onto her upturned face as she closed her eyes. The only thing she felt was the rain dripping down her cheeks and the pounding bass of a club nearby.

Sarah's eyes flicked open.

When she left Helena in the truck while she was in the church's archives investigating Ethan Duncan, her sister had found her way into the dodgiest bar she could find and started a violent brawl that got her arrested. Sarah still felt horrible for letting Helena be dragged into the police car and taken away. Her heart twisted painfully at the memory of Helena's bloodied face and wide-eyed desperation as she was wrested into the backseat. Her sister seemed to not only create, but also gravitate towards chaos and mayhem. If there was anywhere Helena would be, it was there.

Sarah stood shakily, clenching her hands into fists and gritting her teeth. She folded her drenched wings flat against her body, pulled her jacket tighter around herself and followed the music.

The bouncer at the door raised an eyebrow at her disheveled appearance and rain-soaked clothes, but jerked his head towards the open door.

"Thanks," Sarah nodded to him as she entered, the deep beating rhythm of the music working its way into her very bones, trying to shake her apart. She made her way into the thick of the sea of people, scanning the crowd, her eyes open wide for anything that could be Helena; frizzy blonde hair, someone dancing just that bit more manically than the rest of the mass of bodies...

There was a surge in the crowd suddenly, and Sarah was nearly knocked over. The shatter of breaking glass reached her ears and Sarah began shoving her way through everyone, anyone she could to reach it. If there was one person who could start a fight, it was her sister.

There was a guy leaning against the bar, holding his hand to the open wound on one side of his face and the red ruin of his ear, slashed to ribbons by the broken bottle that dripped blood from Helena's hand.

Sarah's heart leapt in her chest at the sight of her twin, none the worse for wear, head tilted, her wings spread and both feet apart, but looking completely relaxed, almost bored.

"Fucking crazy bitch!! You cut me!!" the guy screamed.

Helena frowned, irritated, "Do not be baby. You mock women for weakness and still cry like child at the sight of blood."

"Yeah?" He straightened up, "I think you never got fucked by a real man and so don't know how to talk to one with respect."

"You are not man." Helena's lip curled in disgust. She spat at him.

The guy pulled a switchblade; Helena glanced at it scathingly and laughed as he moved towards her.

Sarah stepped up behind him, and shoved him hard, "Oi."

He turned, slashing with the blade and Sarah dropped into a low crouch out of the way, then kicked high, knocking the knife out of his hand. She caught a glimpse of Helena shifting her position excitedly, like a big cat coiling its muscles before it springs, a wide grin spreading across her face.

Sarah's fist connected with the guy's jaw, hopefully dislocating it, maybe even breaking it. An answering fist swung for her, but Helena was between the two of them faster than you would believe. Shielding Sarah with her body, she blocked the punch almost lazily and snarled, _"You do not touch my sestra."_

Then Helena moved, with frightening speed, bringing the thickly muscled shoulder of one wing down upon the guy's arm in a crushing blow. A sickening _snap!_ pierced the pounding music and he was lying on the floor screaming, clutching his arm.

Helena stood over him menacingly, not moving, not saying a word, deliberating on whether or not to kill him. Sarah could see her mind working right up to the point she spat delicately onto him and straightened up.

"Come, _sestra_."

Helena held out her hand and Sarah grasped the warm fingers gladly, fingers that were capable of such violence and such tenderness.

They stepped over the whimpering form, Helena taking extra care to tread heavily on his already broken arm.

They shouldered their way through the crowd and left hand in hand, neither letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love some more comments, so tell me what you think :)


	16. family

They made their way back to Felix's, both bloodied but unharmed and a fretting Alison, wings fluttering, fussed over them, berating Sarah for stepping in and forbidding Helena from doing anything that impulsive and dangerous ever again. Which in itself was an entire waste of breath, but Helena nodded whenever she paused and once she'd finished, hugged her, which flustered Alison enough to send her off muttering fondly.

"I'm curious..." Cosima murmured to Helena as they sat together, "About our sex lives, all of our sexual lives."

Helena turned and stared at her, "Sarah and I do these things." she said, straight-faced.

"Yeah, I- I figured that," Cosima grinned awkwardly, "but I was curious about something else. Alison would never tell me in a million years and Sarah would bite my head off if I asked, so...do either of you, you know, ejaculate during sex?" Cosima cringed, embarrassed, but Helena looked at her uncomprehendingly.

"What does this word mean?"

"Oh, uhm, squirt?" Cosima cringed again at the crude word that was entirely too inadequate for what it actually was.

Helena blinked, tilting her head inquisitively and leaning in, "How did you know this?"

"Ok...that's a yes?" Cosima didn't shrink from Helena's closeness, accepting that she simply had no concept of personal space in others.

"Sarah does this often. I like it." Helena grinned wolfishly. Cosima laughed.

"Oi, what are youse two conspiring about, eh?" Sarah came over and leaned against the arm of the couch, leaning back against Helena. Seeing the easy intimacy between them, Cosima fought the smile that pulled at the muscles in her cheeks, making them ache.

"Sestra Cosima was just asking me-"

Cosima interjected speedily, "Whaaaaaaat you two ate when you were over there. You're both skin and bone, aren't they?" she looked at Alison pointedly.

"That's an understatement." Alison said briskly, "My first task is feeding you two up!"

Helena grinned, delighted at this prospect, "We eat now?" she said, gazing up at Alison beseechingly.

A few minutes later, Helena was munching happily on the remains of a box of colourful cereal as Alison exclaimed over Felix's bare pantry, "Honestly, Felix, how can you have nothing to eat?"

"I have wondered this also, brothersestra." Helena added thickly through a mouthful of cereal and miniature marshmallows.

"I have food in the fridge, Alison," Felix said testily, "and I'll have you know it is not easy supplying constant nourishment for Sarah's Hoover of a twin."

Helena swallowed and scowled, poking her nose into the box, searching for the last few crumbs, "Do not call me this," she grumbled, her voice muffled by the rustling packet.

A sudden vibration from the counter caught their attention and Felix picked up the mobile phone warily, "Sarah," he held it out to her, "It's Mumsy."

"Fe, I don't wanna-!"

Rolling his eyes, Felix shoved the mobile into her hand and beat a hasty retreat.

Sarah groaned loudly, then tapped 'accept'.

"Yeah." she said grudgingly.


	17. amends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is for the people who leave comments on this fic. they mean the world to me. thank you.

There had been a lot of shouting between Sarah and S on the phone that night, and it eventually died down to a defensive mutter, ending with Sarah dropping the phone onto the kitchen counter with visible loathing.

Curled up, pressed closely against Helena's warm body, Sarah had lost count of the amount of times she'd kicked Felix out of his own bed to share it with someone else. Alison had offered her guest room for Sarah and Helena, but Sarah politely declined, knowing there'd be trouble explaining to Oscar and Gemma not why there were two ladies who looked like their Mommy in the guest room, but why they were sharing the same bed.

"Sarah."

The whisper in the dark jolted Sarah out of her thoughts, "Yeah?"

Helena turned over, snuggling her sestra, "When we see S tomorrow, will we tell her?"

Sarah lay silent in Helena's arms for a long time before answering, "I don't know. I just don't know how she's gonna react, do I?"

"Shh-sh-shhh." Helena stroked Sarah's back soothingly, "Will all be all right."

Sarah exhaled contentedly, arching into Helena's touch, feeling warm fingers stroking between her wings, so gently.

"Sarah..." Helena whispered, "We make love now?"

Sarah forced herself to say, "No, not right now, Helena. Fe has been tested enough with tonight's revelation. I'm afraid the two of us having sex in his bed would be the thing that changes his mind about this."

"Can we still...?" Helena's mouth moved over Sarah's neck, pressing soft, moist kisses to her skin. Sarah surrendered with a tortured groan, meeting Helena's mouth with hers, sucking on her bottom lip and taking her sister's tongue into her mouth, feeling the warm, familiar throbbing between her legs.

Sarah sighed, pulling back, tugging Helena's shirt up and kissing her belly. Her lips met uneven skin and she stilled, opening her eyes. She could just make out a large, dark round scar to the far right of Helena's bellybutton. Sarah ran her fingers over the shiny skin and Helena twitched suddenly, jerking away from her touch.

"I'm sorry," Sarah whispered, tears unexpectedly choking her. She nestled closer to Helena and pressed her lips against the ragged hole she'd left in her sister's side.

"I'm sorry," Sarah said quietly, kissing the scar over and over, tears running down her cheeks until roughened hands gently cupped her chin. She looked up and tears were shining in Helena's eyes.

"You make me cry, _sestra_." Helena's lip trembled as Sarah found the mark left by the bullet she'd shot into Helena's chest. She traced the small, round scar, her fingers finding slightly raised dots from hospital stitches. Sarah rested her forehead against Helena's bare chest. She'd come so close to killing her, they'd both come so close too many times. They'd hurt each other in such cruel, human ways, borne out of their fear and anger.

Sarah shook violently as she realised that this little scar could very well have been "cause of death" for Helena and she sobbed and sobbed, covering her mouth with her hand, biting down on her fist, anything to stifle the cry that was steadily building inside her.

But Helena gathered Sarah up in her arms like she was a child and hugged her tightly. Sarah thrust her hands into Helena's hair and brought their mouths together, lips dry, tongues slick with the heavy taste of tears, and Helena tasted and swallowed the cry that Sarah released into her mouth.

Finding her hands against Helena's bare skin, Sarah pulled back. Her palms were pressed to Helena's breasts, warm fingers plucking her nipples softly.

Helena's dark eyes reached for her. That was it.

Sarah kissed her feverishly, trailing her fingers through frizzy blonde hair. She couldn't think about anything but Helena, the earthy, musky scent she always possessed, the blood-tang of her. The taste of her. The tears had dried on Sarah's cheeks and she felt drained by them as her sister's tongue slid against hers.

She practically jumped out of her skin when she heard Felix yell from across the apartment, "You do realise that I _cannot_ paint this to come to terms with it! Please refrain from desecrating my bed!"

Sarah broke away from Helena immediately, "Shit, Fe!" she griped. Helena giggled, trailing her hands over her breasts, biting her lip.

"You are busted, Sarah," she gloated, pleased that it wasn't her being shouted at.

"It's both of us, meathead. I'm not in the habit of making out with myself." Sarah realised the contradiction in what she'd just said and smiled, "Now stop that and let's go to sleep."

Helena wriggled delightedly, smoothing her hands over her belly.

"Hey, how is the little sea monkey in there?" Sarah murmured, pressing her lips to her sister's bellybutton.

"Is fine," Helena whispered, "I cannot wait to meet this baby."

"Yeah," Sarah smiled, crawling up and kissing her, "Yeah, me too."

She helped Helena tug her shirt back down to cover herself, and nudged her over to one side of the bed, lying down behind her and pulling the blankets over the two of them.

"I love you." Sarah told her, feeling her sister's thickly muscled wings soft against her chest, and nuzzled Helena's neck, snaking a hand around her waist to press against her stomach.

Helena shifted further back in the bed, to be closer to her sestra.

"I love you too," she said, for the first time in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is NOT THE END, but it is the last chapter I've completed, so comments are greatly appreciated. I haven't had many ideas or incentive to write as of late so I'd love it if you'd tell me what you think or feel about this chapter or even just the story in general. thanks.


	18. waking up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've realised a few of the previous chapters have been almost nothing but fluff, which I won't apologise for, but this fic will be mostly fluff with a bit of conflict until the end unless people actually tell me they want a serious showdown or some shit - this fic might end at 20 chapters but I haven't decided yet. let me know what you think.

Sunlight filtered through the dirty windows of Felix's apartment and shone through Helena's eyelids, turning the world behind the thin membrane a deep, fleshy pink. Helena squeezed her eyes shut and curled tighter around Sarah.

"Not just now, sun. Is not enough. Come back later." Helena murmured into the pillow.

It felt like only minutes later when the clanking in the kitchen woke them both, Helena cracking one eye open ominously and Sarah grumbling in protest, "For chrissake," she shoved a pillow over her own head, "Fucking twat."

Helena grunted sleepily, snuggling deeper under the blankets, desperately trying to get back to sleep, but the clink of cutlery on china and the thud of the fridge door wouldn't go away.

"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnggggghhhhh..." Sarah complained as she pushed one foot out of bed, dangling it over the edge, and the other, sliding slowly out of bed until her toes were touching the shag carpet. She dragged herself upright in bed, shook out her wings, righting the oil-black feathers and stood shakily, zombie-shuffling to the toilet.

Helena peeked out from under the blanket.

A loud flush from the bathroom meant her sestra was coming back soon, and Helena burrowed deeper under the quilt, "No, no, no," she grumbled, "is nice and warm, is not the time to wake."

Satisfied with her argument, she closed her eyes and prepared for a nap.

"Don't you want any toast?" Sarah called from the kitchen.

Helena's nose twitched.

"Cosima went to the shops this mornin'. Got bread, milk, orange juice, cereal, Pop-Tarts, pancake mix..." Sarah's voice changed, "and...ice cream bars, for some reason."

Helena's tummy rumbled appreciatively, and she rubbed it soothingly, "I know, _nemovlya_ , I am hungry also."

She threw the blankets off dramatically, squinting at the light and stalking into the kitchen, sniffing.

The toast popped out of the toaster and she snatched it out of the air, but Sarah swiped it from her burning fingers, "What are ya doin, meathead? That'll cook your tongue. You gotta butter it anyway," Sarah did so messily, "Now, jam or Nutella?"

"Both." Helena demanded, scratching her back, where feathers met skin.

"But there's strawberry, plum, blackcurrant-"

"All of them." Helena grinned and Sarah shook her head, leant in and kissed her, just as Felix shouted, "Oi!...that's my shirt!"

"Wha-" Sarah looked down at her own black crop top then at Helena's, and had to swallow a laugh that almost made her piss herself to hold it in.

Standing there in front of her in Felix's kitchen, Helena wore a white crop top with, in all caps, "STRAIGHT LOOKING" across the front.

Cosima glanced over and a loud giggle burst out of her when she caught sight of it.

"Hilarious," ruffling his feathers indignantly, Felix glared at her, then started on Sarah, "Can I ask what your sis is doing in my favourite shirt? Probably stretched it out completely with those enormous wings of hers-"

"It was in your closet." Helena said blankly, not understanding his reaction.

"Leave it out, Fe." Sarah warned her brother, which shut him right up, "Helena, c'mere."

She rummaged around in the bottom of Felix's closet (the remains of a graffitied phone box) and came up with a nondescript band shirt that had once been hers, "Wear this instead, yeah?"

"Yes, _sestra_." Helena pulled the white shirt over her head in the middle of the apartment, prompting a "Jesus tits!" from Felix, who covered his eyes and ran into the bathroom, shouting about psychological scarring and 'things no man should have to see'.

Helena handed Felix's shirt to Sarah and tugged the wrinkled black shirt over her head, her frizzy hair popping through the neck of it.

"Better, Sarah?"

Sarah hugged Helena, then pulled back, giving her a deep kiss, fingers buried in her sister's hair, murmured, "Yeah."

"We eat now?"

"Sure."

While Helena munched on toast with liberal dollops of Nutella, Sarah pulled Felix aside and hissed, "What the bloody hell were you freaking out about before?"

"Sarah, you _know_ my clothes aren't off the rack," he complained, "I still never got those black and white striped jeans back from your sister's time spent at the Prolethean's ranch. I liked those, too-"

"Fe, I know you love that shirt, but for her it's like having a part of us when she has something or wears something of ours. She just wants to feel close to you."

"Can she do it without actually touching me or ruining my clothes?"

 _"Felix."_ Sarah raised her voice, "I'm not in the mood for your snappy one-liners. Just give it a rest, and from now on she'll only wear my stuff, all right?"

"Yeah, fine," Felix wound the sash from his kimono around his index finger, petulant.

Neither of them noticed that Helena was now drizzling raw pancake batter onto her Nutella'd toast.

There was a sharp rap on the door, and Alison bustled in, shopping bags in her arms.

"Morning, everyone!" she chirped, plonking the bags onto the kitchen sink.

"Hey," Cosima called from where she was lounging on the couch in an oversized black knit sweater, smoking a joint, which she surreptitiously stubbed out before Alison saw it.

"Hey, Alison," Sarah gave her a hug, squeezing her tightly.

"Hello, Sestra-Alison," Helena mumbled thickly through a mouthful of toast and goop, "How is your family?"

"They're fine, thank you, Helena." Alison replied breezily, "Have you had enough to eat?"

Helena stared blankly at her, lost for words. There was only one answer to such a question, and frankly it was, "never."

"Hi," Felix said sulkily, giving Alison a quick hug, politely avoiding her pink wings and kissed her on the cheek before going into the bathroom to change.

"So, Sarah," Alison began putting food away, "How did the phone call with your foster mother go last night?"

"It was torture." Sarah cringed, "She's coming by soon with Kira."

"Oh," Alison remarked, "Really?" she looked honestly intrigued, "Are you going to tell her about...?"

"Yeah, that's what the plan is."

"But are you going to be okay?" Alison's voice softened, "Because if not, I can stay and-"

"Nah, thanks, Ali, but me and Helena are gonna take care of this together."

"As long as you're sure." Alison twisted the plastic bags up and stuffed them into a bigger bag in the pantry, "I assume you've all eaten?"

"Not very much," Helena forced out, swallowing a mouthful of food.

"Yeah," Sarah collapsed onto the couch, propping her feet up on the coffee table. Helena gazed longingly at the remaining half a loaf of sliced bread but followed her sestra to the couch, flopping down beside her.

"Cosima? Have you eaten?" Alison pressed.

"Not yet," Cosima admitted, "But after a few hits of that weed, I'm gonna be horking down everything in sight pretty darn soon."

Alison huffed disapprovingly.

"Are you worried about seeing S, _sestra_?" Helena rested her chin on Sarah's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm kinda nervous. Haven't felt this scared for a while."

"Do not be afraid, Sarah. Nothing bad will happen." Helena kissed her softly, "And you will see Kira."

Sarah smiled at the thought of her daughter, but the feel of Helena against her took Kira out of her present thoughts. Sarah parted her lips, feeling Helena's tongue teasing hers, shuddering at the taste of her, instinctively hooking a leg over her sister's hip.

"Can you _not_ do that?" Felix protested, coming out of the bathroom, "God, is it too much to ask to go _one day_ without wanting to scrub my brain clean?"

In answer, Helena turned her head, looked directly at him and shoved her hand down the front of Sarah's leather pants. On the other lounge chair, Cosima grinned. Alison opened her mouth, then instead, rolled her eyes exasperatedly and closed it again.

But Helena wasn't finished. "Would you like _me_ to scrub your brain, _sestra_ brother? I have scalped some few people before, which is not so very different."

Felix opened his mouth, made a funny sort of mumbling sound, and looked around distractedly, as if there was something he'd forgotten to do and ducked into the bathroom.

Sarah looked over at Helena, raising an eyebrow.

"So?" Helena grinned, "How is he to know I only scalped one?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment, it won't kill you. and it'll bring life to the writer.


	19. coming out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't include Cal in this story, I do like him, but I think he'll just be in the way here. And who knows what Helena would do to him. As far as she's concerned, Kira is hers and Sarah's. And since Cal is not in this au, Kira is back with Mrs S again, go figure. Sorry for the discrepancies.
> 
> Mrs S's wings are based upon the (male) red winged blackbird pictured in these links:
> 
> http://carolinabirds.org/People/Wilson/WilsonLg/Black,%20Red-winged%20Alan_D_Wilson.jpg
> 
> https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4007/4349210511_89b5c8103f_o_d.jpg

There was a brisk knock at the door; Felix pulled it open to see a stony-faced Mrs S, who stood there with a practically bouncing Kira.

"Auntie Helena!" Kira ran up, held out her arms and, as Helena picked her up, in her excitement, she flapped her child-sized wings, stirring her aunt's hair as Helena kissed her face all over. Kira giggled, squealing suddenly when Helena started to tickle her.

Kira's wings looked as if they were made out of gold, gold so pure and soft it gives way under your fingers when you touch it. Each feather gave off its own muted light, so she seemed to almost glow — without even speaking to her, you knew she was special.

Siobhan stood silently outside the door, black wings showing from underneath her coat; until Sarah grudgingly asked her in. Felix looked incredibly nervous, as he always did when there was an altercation between the two of them. Cosima grinning at their mirrored stubbornness, Alison managing to make it even more awkward by asking the entire room of people, "Can I get anyone some coffee?"

Sarah still wouldn't take her eyes off her foster mother, but bit out, "Thanks, Alison, we're good."

"Do you wanna go to the playground, monkey?" Felix poked Kira in the belly, "Your aunties can come."

"Auntie Helena?" Kira looked into Helena's face, "Are you gonna come to the playground too?"

"Not right now, angel," Helena glanced quickly from Siobhan to Sarah, and back to her niece, "Your mommy and Mrs S need to talk, so I will stay."

Kira nodded, "Okay," she slid down from Helena's arms to the floor, and Cosima took her hand.

"C'mon, Kira, I'll tell you about why kicking your legs while you're on the swing makes you go higher – is totally thanks to science."

Alison followed them through the door, "Are these swings safety approved?"

"We can't all live in bubble-wrapped suburbia, Alison!" Felix called as they left.

"So," Siobhan looked at Sarah and Helena as she sat on the couch, "What's all this about, then?" 

* * *

"Did you want a cup of tea first or something?" Sarah asked Siobhan, taking her coat. Her wings shone black as an oil-slick, similar to Sarah's, but for the almost symmetrical splash of red and yellow feathers up high on the shoulders.

"No tea, thanks, I'm all right," Siobhan sat down on one of the single couch chairs, looking out of place as she always did in Felix's loft, "Now. What've you asked me here for? It can't just be to see Kira or you'd've shut the door in my face. So why am I sat here..." she glanced at Helena over by the easel, who narrowed her eyes and scowled, "...with the two of you?"

"This is just a courtesy." Sarah's voice took on that brash, authoritative tone that she used when she was warning people, "This doesn't affect you, we're just letting you know so there's no misunderstandings or issues," Sarah then added as an afterthought, "Assuming you don't have an issue with it in the first place."

S raised her eyebrows, "Well, this is all very mysterious. Clearly it's something big. Don't skirt around it, Sarah, just tell me."

Sarah looked to Helena, who nodded, both women coming to a silent agreement. Helena crossed to the coffee table and took Sarah's hand decisively.

"S," Sarah began firmly, "Helena and I are together. And we've decided to tell everyone. Which includes you."

S blinked, and there was a long silence in which Helena shifted restlessly from foot to foot, Sarah clenched her teeth and Siobhan inhaled in preparation, finally speaking in a slightly higher tone, sounding almost intrigued.

"Well, I- I can't say I'm shocked but I am a little surprised," Siobhan sat forward on the couch, "When exactly did this come about?"

"A while ago," Sarah allowed, "Back when you went AWOL and I was looking for Ethan Duncan. It- didn't quite..." she tightened her hold on Helena's hand, "...start until recently."

"She's your _sister_ , Sarah."

"What, you think I don't know that?" Sarah's voice rose, immediately defensive as she took a step forward.

"I think somehow things may have gotten a bit mixed up in your head, chicken-"

"Don't patronize me, Siobhan," Sarah interrupted, "You stopped being able to tell me what to do when I moved out."

"And as I recall, that's when your life completely went to shit." S snapped.

The silence stretched out menacingly as they both locked eyes. Sarah's gaze was venomous.

"S." The gravelly voice made them both jump.

They both looked toward Helena, standing steadily, her white wings arched warningly, arms hanging loosely by her sides...for now.

"I love my _sestra_. She loves me. This you cannot change."

"I'm not trying to, Helena-"

Helena stepped forward, flexing her hands into fists, then thought better of it.

"I cannot kill you, because it would make Kira sad," Helena growled regrettably, "But don't think I would not do other things. If you stand between me and my _sestra_ , I will harm you."

Siobhan just shook her head, "You can't have Sarah without the rest of her family, I'm afraid."

But Helena's lip curled and she squared her shoulders, "You will say nothing more of us," she then bent to look Siobhan in the eye, bracing a hand against the back of the couch, stolid and fierce, "You do not know what we have, so you must be silent."

Sarah's eyes flicked back as forth between the two of them as they sized each other up. She didn't know what was weirder, S accepting their relationship or the idea of Helena beating her into it.

S looked away, breaking eye contact with Helena who lifted her chin in triumph, straightened up and turned to Sarah.

" _Sestra_ , I will wait for you outside if you wish to speak with S alone."

"Oh, you don't have to le-" Mrs S's protest died in her throat as Helena looked at her piercingly and Siobhan knew it was no use.

"I will be outside, Sarah." Helena stalked away, dragged the door open and disappeared through it, slamming it shut behind her.

"Quite a handful, that one," S smiled almost nervously, nodding towards the door, "You sure you can handle her?"

Sarah stared at her foster mother, "She's the only one who understands me," she replied evenly.

"Well, I'd never have thought anyone could tame Helena, but you... seem to have drawn her poison."

"Helena isn't poison, S." Sarah snapped.

"That's not what I meant, love." Siobhan said gently.

"You can't ever just be happy for me, can you?"

"It's not that I don't-"

"No, you know what? Neither Alison _or_ Cosima have a problem with it." Sarah said heatedly.

"And your brother?" Siobhan shot back, her jaw set.

Sarah rolled her eyes, "Well, he didn't jump up and down with delight, but he hasn't objected to us, no."

"I suppose whatever I say or think, this isn't going to change, is it?"

"No." Sarah took a seat and leant back, keeping eye contact.

S leaned forward and rested her hands on the table, "Have you thought about how this will affect Kira?"

"I have," Sarah replied, "Not that it's any of your business, Siobhan."

"It _is_ my business. If this were anyone else, woman or no, I wouldn't be asking, but she's your sister. Your _twin_ sister. How confusing and misleading do you think that'll be for your daughter?"

"Kira's smart, S. Even if we try and keep it from her, she'll figure it out. And I'm not sacrificing Helena. Not for Kira, not for _anybody_."

And then Sarah changed, her eyes flickering away, shining with tears, speaking in a voice that faltered.

"I love her, S," her lip trembling, she turned back to the only mother she had ever known, "I love her, she's the other half of me I always knew was missing but didn't know what it was," Sarah's voice broke on the tears she was holding back, "And twice I thought I'd killed her...she just kept coming back." Sarah raised her eyes to the ceiling, trying to blink back her tears, "...Like- like no matter how many times I rejected her, she wouldn't leave me. I've never known someone so damaged. She had no wings, d'you know that?" Sarah heard S's sharp intake of breath, but went on, "That freak Tomas cut them off when she was just a kid and brainwashed her into doing it herself. She can't help herself from touching them now they're grown. She couldn't help touching mine before hers grew back..." she couldn't go on.

Siobhan didn't say anything, her hand over her mouth. Sarah sniffed, trying to swallow down the tears, "She's like a kid, S. She doesn't want to hurt anyone. She's not a monster, she's my sister. She's safe with us, with me. And I will not make another mistake with her."

S was silent for a long time. Sarah was crying freely now, both of them oblivious to Helena's ear pressed to the door, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"All right, Sarah." S said softly.

"What?" Sarah lifted her head, wiping her eyes, "All right what?"

"You can have full custody of Kira. And you have my support." Siobhan's face was stern, despite the tears in her eyes, "Just... don't be a stranger. I've missed seeing you and your brother. Don't be distant, just because there's this now. If you want me to look away, I will. If you want me by your side, I'm there. It's always been your side, Sarah."

She was taken by surprise as she was suddenly hugged very tightly, almost desperately, around the middle, Sarah's head pressed against her side in that all-encompassing way small children hug someone they trust, "Thanks, Mum." Sarah forced out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to get Kira in here, but it was a necessary evil. I hope you like her wings, which as far as I know, aren't the wings of any bird I've found. (And trust me, I looked.)
> 
> this is all I have until I think of something else, comments are life blood.


	20. monkey number two

"So S had no problem at all with it?" Felix gawked. Alison and Cosima displayed similar expressions at the news.

"Well, I wouldn't say that, but she said she supports us." Sarah looked over at Helena sitting on the couch beside her and leant against her sister.

"Well, blow me down." Felix blinked in surprise.

"That's awesome, Sarah, Helena," Cosima grinned, leaning over the coffee table to hug the two of them, "I'm so happy for you both."

Alison was blinking back tears again, Sarah noticed with a smile, and waving a hand in front of her face, "That's wonderful," she sniffed, "See, my mother wouldn't be this supportive. She'd say it was a late experimenting phase and send me to therapy," she kissed them both and bustled out the door, still sniffling.

"I'd better get going too," Cosima smiled awkwardly, "Delphine will think I've keeled over by the road somewhere," she laughed, hugged them once more, clapped Felix on the back and left.

"I guess it's beddy-byes, then," Felix noted aloud, "I'm off to make up my lovely comfortable couch," he griped, dragging an afghan blanket over his shoulder and pointed at his sister, narrowing his eyes suspiciously, "No nookie while my niece is in the bed with you two," he warned her, dodging the pillow Sarah threw at him.

Siobhan had left for the night, hugging Sarah and politely reaching for Helena's hand, only to be seized in a tight hug, speechless with shock she patted Helena on the back uncomfortably before a sharp look from Sarah made her rethink her response, and she hugged the wild woman back.

Kira was staying over, already sleeping soundly in Felix's bed when her uncle and other aunties were told the news, cuddled up with her toy monkey. Helena lay awake in the large bed next to her niece, with Sarah fast asleep on the other side of the bed.

* * *

"Auntie Helena?" Kira's small voice whispered from beside her.

"Yes, angel?" Helena looked over at the pillow next to hers to see Kira's little face looking at her.

"Do you love Mommy?"

"Very much." Helena answered, turning over so she was facing Kira.

"More than you love me?"

Helena was silent for a moment, just able to make out Sarah's face in the dim moonlight, "I love Mommy in a different way than the way I love you, darling girl."

"The way other people love each other?"

Helena considered telling her what she wanted to hear, remembering what Sarah had said to S about how intuitive Kira was and that she'd figure it out eventually anyway.

"Yes, like others do," Helena poked Kira's monkey, "Like the people who are married."

Kira nodded solemnly, "Okay." To Helena, her expression seemed disapproving or displeased.

"Is that all right, angel?" Helena felt the words leave her, realising she'd never asked for someone's approval before, and dreading the answer.

"Yeah," Kira said simply, "I knew you loved my mom from the first time I met you. And Mommy thought you wanted to hurt us but you never did. Because you love her," she added knowingly, "Right?"

"And you, Kira." Helena felt tears in her eyes, "I love you, also."

"I know," Kira smiled, snuggling closer to her auntie, "I love you, too," she said, and stilled for a moment, "Auntie Helena?"

"Yes, angel?

"Your tummy is bigger. Why?"

"Because I am going to have baby," Helena smiled down at her niece.

"Really?" Kira glanced down at the rounded curve of her auntie's belly.

"Yes, you will have little cousin soon."

Kira scrunched up her nose for a moment, "I don't want a cousin. Everyone I know from school says cousins are mean and steal your toys," she hugged her monkey closer.

Helena considered that, "Well, do you like maybe sibling then? A _sestra_ or a _brat_ (brother)?"

Kira was deep in thought for a moment, "Yeah," she agreed, "I'd like that."

"The baby would love big sister like you." Helena stroked her niece's hair until she fell asleep.

Unbeknownst to her, Sarah lay awake beside them in the bed, thinking hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the month-long hiatus, I had like nothing. I wonder if you noticed that I'm not at the top of my game - thanks to those who comment and leave encouraging words and even give me ideas which have really helped :) I have almost another whole chapter written and another idea lined up 
> 
> please tell me what you think (without dissing the basis of this AU, it's just not nice)
> 
> p.s. ZaynabHassan, 'S' & ScooterNation, I haven't forgotten the chapters I said I'd write for you. they're coming x
> 
> nothing helps me write like comments do ;)


	21. mommy number two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is set a few days after the last chapter... isn't this strange? I'm not going day-by-day anymore. It feels weird :/
> 
> this chapter is for ScooterNation, hope you like how I interpreted your wish to your satisfaction :3

"Where are we going, _sestra_?" Helena shouted over the car radio as the truck roared over both of them.

"S called Social Services," Sarah shouted back, "She told them I have full custody of Kira so we're heading down there to fill out some paperwork."

"This is nice of S," Helena yelled, bobbing in her seat to the song on the radio, John Waite blasting through the old speakers, but Sarah knew better than to try to change it as Helena mumbled the words, getting half of them wrong.

* * *

_The previous morning, munching on cereal, Kira had looked intently at Sarah, "Mommy?"_

_Sarah swallowed the toast she'd been chewing, "Yeah?"_

_"Auntie Helena is your sister, isn't she? Like Auntie Cosima and Auntie Alison."_

_Sarah took another bite to stall for time, then chewed slowly and swallowed before answering, "Yeah, Kira, they're my sisters too, but not the way Helena is. We were born together."_

_"So she's like my other mom," Kira interjected, taking another mouthful of cereal, confident she'd figured out who Helena was to her and Sarah._

_"...Yeah, if you like."_

* * *

Sarah's mind was still full of what she'd heard her daughter and sister whispering, and she couldn't get it out of her head. Kira saying she wanted a baby brother or sister, viewing Helena as a second mother, and she'd made a decision. Sarah had learnt from her mistakes and wasn't going to hold back.

She pulled into the cramped car park, squeezing S's truck into a spot too small for it and killed the engine, noticing Helena's grumpy expression as the song was cut off in the middle of a verse. Sarah took her hand and tugged her away from the car, "Come on, meathead, I'll buy you the CD, let's go."

They entered and Sarah took out a manila folder from her backpack. They were in the queue for about five minutes and once Sarah had told them who she needed to see, they had to sit in the creaking chairs for another five minutes or so.

"Sarah Manning?" a voice called, and Sarah jumped up from her chair and followed the woman who had called her to a large desk slightly out of the way.

"Now, what can I help you with?"

Sarah had the manila folder in her hand, but handed the woman the papers she'd printed out the night before.

The woman glanced at the papers and back at Sarah and Helena, skeptical, "You're adopting your own daughter?" she attempted to guess the situation.

"No, she is." Sarah jerked her head towards Helena who sat beside her.

"Your...twin sister?"

"Yeah." Sarah said flatly.

"Why, if I may ask?"

Sarah had expected this questioning, but that didn't mean she liked it, "If it's all right with you, I'd like my twin sister, who was separated from me at birth and lived in an orphanage from infancy while I was in the foster system, to share in joint guardianship of my daughter."

The woman looked abashed, "Uh, no, that's fine. I just need 150 points of identification. A birth certificate, passport and a current ID or driver's license. And a current address."

Sarah slapped the manila folder down on the counter, "You'll find both mine and my daughter's records in there, including my sister's."

The lady smiled nervously, "Thank you, I'll just scan and process these," she stood and made her way over to the huge photocopier-printer that stood between all the cubicles.

Helena had been tugging on Sarah's sleeve the whole time. When the lady went over to scan the documents, Sarah acknowledged her, "What?" she whispered.

"What is this papers and about me?" Helena demanded.

"You and I are legally, well..." Sarah tilted her head, "As legally as possible with 150 points of forged identification...adopting Kira."

Helena blinked in surprise, and when she spoke her voice trembled, "I...am to be both auntie _and_ mommy... to Kira?"

Sarah grinned, "Yeah. I called and told S, she thinks it's a good idea. Fe and our sisters are over the moon, so-"

She was cut off by a bone-breaking hug from Helena, who had thankfully remembered that they were not to kiss in public. She released Sarah just as the woman returned, slipping all the documents back into the folder and placing it next to the adoption/joint guardianship papers she slid in front of them, "That's all done. I've filled in Kira's name and details, I just need both your signatures."

Sarah took up the pen that was chained to the desk (what idiot would steal a half-used up pen) and signed the line marked 'birth parent/designated guardian', then passed the pen to Helena, who tugged on the chain, intrigued.

"Just sign your name on that line there," Sarah pointed, then dropped her voice, "Just make it look curly and fancy and shite."

"Yes, _sestra_." Helena took up the pen and artfully scribbled her name across the line and signed off with some squiggles that looked like a last name, and seeing as signatures could look like anything from cursive to illegible doodling, Helena's looked legit by comparison.

"Congratulations," the lady smiled, "you're now joint guardians of Kira Manning."

Tears shining in her eyes, Helena was still clutching the pen fiercely, "Thank you," she glanced at the lady's name tag and nodded, "...Lucy."

"This copy I have to keep, but I'll make you a copy to take home, you can even frame it if you like," Lucy smiled and spent a few seconds at the copy machine, coming back with a few more duplicates, one of which she handed to them, "Have a good day."

They both stood, uncertain on their feet for a moment, suddenly aware of the change that had just occurred, altering the two of them. They made their way out of the office and clambered into the truck, now safe in familiar territory, nestling close together for a minute to take in what had just happened.

"What do we do now, _sestra_?" Helena rested her head on Sarah's shoulder.

Sarah hugged her tightly, "We go home and tell Kira. I think she'll be bloody ecstatic."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you better believe I did absolutely no research on adoption or custody agreements, let alone how they're dealt with in canada. my bad
> 
> and the song that's playing in the car is 'Missing You' by John Waite. I love Helena's taste in music and thought that with her soundtrack on orphan black, The Archies, REO Speedwagon, etc that this song would fit right in with them :) 
> 
> comments are sustenance for a starving mind - throw me some here (hey, some of you promised)


	22. happy ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, here it is, folks. to mark the (almost) end of this fic (but not the series) I made this chapter extra long and gave myself a serious headache doing it
> 
> and I finally included the promised wing grooming scene. very late, I know and I'm sorry, but better late than never. 
> 
> enjoy x

Sarah kissed Helena's forehead and sat back in her seat, pulled out her clone phone and called Felix as she started the truck.

"Hey Fe....yeah, it's all finalised and shite...yeah, I was thinking of taking her out to celebrate, and we can tell her then."

Helena put her feet up on the dashboard and slumped in the seat.

"Dunno," Sarah said, "Maybe we'll take her for ice cream or something."

"I want this ice cream," Helena grumbled.

"'Kay, see ya soon."

* * *

"Mommy!" Kira flapped her child-sized wings in delight, light hitting her golden feathers and flashing and bouncing off the walls. She threw her arms around Sarah's neck as her mother scooped her up.

"Hey, monkey," Sarah kissed her cheek, "Did you have fun with Uncle Felix?"

"Yeah," Kira nodded, "We did drawing."

"Yeah? Wow!" Sarah exclaimed, mouthing a "thanks" to her brother over Kira's head.

"Where did you go with Auntie Helena?" Kira reached out and held Helena's hand.

"I'll tell you in a minute. But first, does this little monkey feel like ice cream?"

"Yes!" Kira shouted.

"You do?" Sarah grinned, "Do you feel like hazelnut or pistachio? Monkeys like nuts, don't they?" she jiggled Kira up and down in her arms, making her giggle.

"Maybe hazelnut, but I like honeycomb, and rainbow, and chocolate-"

"Can we have many flavours, _sestra_?" Helena asked.

"Maybe we'll order a bunch of different flavours and share, how does that sound?"

"Good!" Kira nodded.

* * *

The ice cream turned out to be a good idea, but Sarah hadn't factored Helena into the equation. Sarah intended to use the outing to tell Kira about their new setup, but Helena seemed determined to shovel as much ice cream into her mouth as she could.

Rainbow ice cream trailed down her chin and chocolate dripped onto her shirt. She licked raspberry sorbet off her arm as it trickled down to her elbow and wiped cookies and cream off her cheek, licking her hand after.

Sarah and Kira sat at the outdoor table with her, spoons frozen halfway to their mouths, watching her progression through the mountain of ice cream, which only paused when Helena pushed the bowl towards them, "Like some?"

Sarah cringed, "Nah, I'm good."

"No, thanks," Kira declined, as Helena tried to wipe her face, only smearing more ice cream on herself. She then shrugged and pulled the bowl back in front of herself, wielding the spoon like a weapon, stabbing it into a scoop of ice cream and then bringing the speared confection to her mouth, practically swallowing it whole.

* * *

"Done?" Sarah asked.

Helena belched, "Yes," she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, "Excusse me," she added.

Sarah raised her eyebrows and handed her sister a pile of napkins to clean herself up and turned to Kira.

"So, me and Helena went somewhere today-"

"Where?"

"To Social Services..."

"Why?" Kira looked at her mother intently.

"To make us a family." 

Kira glanced at Helena, who dropped the soiled napkins onto the table and smiled at her niece.

Kira looked back to Sarah, who was smiling broadly.

"Helena officially adopted you today."

"Really?" Kira pressed her lips together in excitement.

"Yeah," Sarah grinned, "I hope that'll make you happy, darling."

Kira only reached out to Helena, who picked her up effortlessly, catching her in a big hug and encircling Kira in the massive halo of her wings.

"Auntie Helena," Kira sat back on Helena's lap, "You're like my second mommy now."

"That's right, angel," Helena kissed the tip of her nose, "And you can call me Helena if you like."

"Yeah," Kira threw her arms around Helena and hugged her tightly, "Calling you 'Mommy' is too confusing, isn't it?"

"Very much confusing." Helena began to tickle her and she squealed while Sarah sat back against her chair, finally content, finally whole.

* * *

"How do you think today went?" Sarah asked. Kira was at the park again and had asked if Mrs S could come along, undoubtedly wanting to tell her about the events of that afternoon.

Helena squirmed behind her in Felix's bed, extending her pale legs to lie on either side of Sarah's, resting her chin on Sarah's shoulder.

"It went very good, _sestra_."

"Do you think Kira's happy? With the setup?" Sarah sounded nervous, but Helena shook her head, which was still on Sarah's shoulder, jostling her.

"Do not worry, she is very happy. Like me." Helena kissed her cheek.

"Like us, you mean." Sarah turned her head and kissed Helena's lips softly.

"Sit forward, _sestra_." Helena murmured, gently pulling away and leaning her head against one of Sarah's wings; feathers slid, black as pitch, against her shock of white-blonde hair. And without another word Helena began to stroke Sarah's wings, coaxing them to relax. Sarah sighed, her brow smoothing as the deep-set tension within her slowly drained away.

Helena softly pressed her thumbs between the elbows of Sarah's wings, the join where one half folded over the other in repose, and Sarah's wings automatically spread — the feathers parting — until they were fully extended, slowly lowering them until they brushed the bed. And Helena began smoothing out each feather, using the pads of her thumb and index finger to compress and repair the parted fibers, sweeping upwards from the quill to the tip of each feather, even using her mouth, clamping her lips together around each feather, humming in broken bursts as she worked over Sarah's dark wings, making her sister moan and lie back against her, leaning her head against Helena's shoulder, mixed feelings pulsing through her.

Sarah breathed evenly, running a hand over Helena's leg, her head so clear it was almost spinning, her mouth falling open and her tongue unsticking from the roof of her mouth with a damp sound; hearing the soft click of her eyelids as she blinked.

Sarah shivered delicately, "What are you doing back there?"

"Caring for you, _miy sestra_." Helena whispered, taking another black feather between her lips, dragging it along the line of them, and releasing it perfectly streamlined.

Sarah trembled as she lay against her twin, the closeness of Helena touching and grooming her wings felt far more intimate than even sex did. Niggling in the back of her mind, she remembered watching some nature program with Kira by that British naturalist bloke, that when birds preened each other it strengthened the emotional bond between them, and so strengthened their relationship. She mused on that thought for a moment, drifting off as Helena's fingers never left her.

" _Sestra,_ it is time to wake." Helena whispered in her ear.

"Nngh?" Sarah felt soft warmth against her back, strong thighs on both sides of her hips and sighed, "Sorry, did I fall asleep?"

"Is fine," Helena kissed her ear, "Are you still wanting to sleep?"

"Nah, Helena, I wanted to try something."

Sarah turned and lay down on the bed, her wings feeling strangely smooth under her, "C'mere," she murmured.

Helena climbed over onto her and grinned suggestively, her teeth glinting, making Sarah laugh.

"I didn't mean that. Here..." Sarah took Helena's hand and gently pulled her onto the bed next to her, "Turn over," she instructed. Helena rolled so that her back was to Sarah.

"What is this, _sestra_?"

"I'm gonna do for you what you did for me," Sarah smiled, running her hands over Helena's wings, "But keep in mind, I've never done this much for myself. And when I did there are combs and shit for this sort of thing."

"Yes, Sarah. Is all right." Helena's wings trembled at the touch of her twin, but stilled as warm fingers slowly and patiently worked them out, smoothing and preening each white feather, not having a lot of experience in grooming, but trying to make up for it by being as careful and precise as she could.

It took a long time, Helena's wings were much larger and far more densely feathered than her own. The sun shifted, creating shadows on the floor as it passed slowly overhead, Sarah never noticed, engrossed in the care of her sister, knowing that this was not the same mundane task as brushing her sister's hair.

It went deeper; with each touch of her fingers she felt herself stitching the two of them together with only sheer contact, skin to skin, she wove herself into Helena's flesh until she saw them both clearly in her own mind, curled around each other like they must have been in the womb, wings laid flat against the bare expanse of their backs, the black and the white putting you in mind of yin and yang, the light and the dark, a double headed coin, yet one flesh.

Hands buried in white feathers, Sarah felt Helena's innocence and madness seep into her, the isolation and abuse of her childhood permeated Sarah's mind, and she shut her eyes to the horrors of the convent and its tiny closets, its hidden atrocities. Her eyelids flicked open to escape the images and a shock of crimson blinded her momentarily.

_Her hands were dripping with blood, and there were two eyes cradled in her palms, grisly trophies. A wrinkled nun cowered at her feet, both begging and damning her. Sarah felt herself smile in triumph. She tasted Helena's sweet revenge in her own mouth like cloying medicine. The nun's gaping sockets wept blood; Sarah looked down and there was gore caked under her fingernails. She closed her fists tight around the eyes. They squelched._

Sarah's scream tore at her throat, fighting the arms that reached for her, beating at Helena's wings in terror even as she was encircled in softness that would put you in mind of lying on a cloud. But still she cried and screamed and fought.

"Be calm, _sestra,_ shh-sh-shhh..." Helena pulled her into strong arms, holding her gently but firmly, hushing and rocking her sister.

When she had calmed, Helena asked her, "What did you see?"

Sarah pulled back and shook her head, tears streaming from her eyes.

"You saw what I did long time ago." Helena's eyes were steely, and she did not offer an explanation. She did not show remorse.

"Was that an actual twin moment?" Sarah gasped, "I thought those were bullshit."

"It seems is not shit," Helena mused, "I am sorry you saw that, _sestra_. But now maybe you will understand."

"I knew the gist of what happened but not everything. Not that."

Helena looked away.

"That bitch deserved it." Sarah's voice was flat, resolute.

Her sister looked back at her.

Sarah put her arms around Helena's neck and hugged tightly, pulling back to kiss her softly, "I hope Kira has at least half your strength if she ever has to deal with a fucker like that."

Helena's lips twitched into an uncertain smile, before Sarah added, "But don't go teaching her eye-gouging, alright? I don't really want to suffer through _that_ parent-teacher meeting."

Helena looked abashed and nodded, "No more eye-gouging lessons," she agreed.

Sarah sat bolt upright, "What?? What d'you mean 'no _more_ '?"

"Little Gemma is studying martial arts, and I thought..."

"Oh god, all right," Sarah told her, "No more lessons of _any_ kind, you got it, meathead?"

Helena scowled, "Do not call me this," she grumbled.

Sarah pressed her forehead against her sister's and kissed her, unable to stop the grin that spread across her face.

Helena grinned back, and both their faces mirrored the other's perfectly.


	23. within you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~this chapter has been added from the 'additional material' part two of this series to simplify reading and to round out this fic a bit more. the aforementioned fic has now been deleted, but not to worry, every word of it is safe and sound right here~
> 
> warning: this chapter has reference/hint at past sexual abuse, possibly as a child.
> 
> this is **not** for shock value, I want to explain why in all my fics sarah never penetrates helena; I just don't see that because I do think helena may have been sexually abused. I don't like writing it but I needed to put it in, there is no memory or description of the abuse, I just wanted to tell you readers. 
> 
> stay safe x

Helena traced her nose along Sarah's jaw, ghosting her mouth over warm skin, her lips finding her sister's in a kiss, slowly dipping her tongue inside and sucking softly on Sarah's lips.

"Lie back, _sestra_." Helena placed her hand on Sarah's chest and pushed gently. Sarah lay back on the bedsheets, her thin shirt taking on the cooler temperature of the linen. 

Helena roughly tugged Sarah's leather pants off, along with her underwear, kissing the skin of her belly and nipping at the inside of her thighs, making her jolt and curse, "Jesus fucking Christ, Helena, do you have to be such a bloody tease? Just-" 

Helena scented her sister's heat, grinning, and placed her open mouth over Sarah's cunt, making her sestra cry out and bite back the sound, fisting her hands in her twin's hair and tugging desperately, reduced to begging for Helena's tongue. 

Lapping at Sarah's cunt and circling her clit with nimble fingers, Helena slid two fingers inside Sarah and brought her sister to an orgasm easily, continuing to slowly pull out and push her fingers back in while her twin panted breathlessly under her, waiting until she heard a long sigh before she stopped. 

Helena withdrew her glistening fingers from Sarah's cunt, taking them into her mouth and swirling her tongue around them, her expression nothing but utter bliss. 

Sarah propped herself up on her elbows and laughed, "Why'd you act like I'm the best thing you've ever tasted?" 

Helena opened her eyes and answered flatly, "Because you are, _sestra,_ " as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

"See," Helena took her hand from her mouth and slid her hand between Sarah's legs once more, making her twin groan as she swept her hand through the syrup-like liquid and brought them to her sister's lips, "Taste," Helena instructed. 

"Ew, no!" Sarah cringed away, "That's just fucking gross." 

" _Sestra,_ " her twin told her, "You taste myself when you kiss me there. I taste you." Helena shrugged, "Why is so gross tasting yourself?" 

Sarah still remained a safe distance from Helena's slick fingers, looking utterly mortified that they were even having this conversation. 

"Look, _sestra_ , I taste you," Helena said exasperatedly, sliding her fingers into her mouth again, and as she did, actually _moaned_. When she took her fingers back out, damp with saliva, she shrugged, "Is not bad. Is not gross. Is just you." Helena insisted. 

Sarah found the idea and mental image of herself licking her own come from Helena's fingers just repulsive, but was now oddly curious about it, and honestly just wanted Helena to shut up about the whole thing. 

So she scooted closer to her and pulled Helena's hand away, leaned in and pressed her mouth against her sister's, slid her tongue against her twin's, collecting saliva along with her own fluids, and she didn't find it at all off-putting or foul-tasting; her taste buds felt like they were rippling across her tongue at the flavour. She found herself pulling Helena closer by the hand she still had on her arm, kissing her deeper, harder, their lips bruising as Helena responded roughly. 

Her white teeth bit at Sarah's lips and scraped her tongue, too incensed to rein in her almost violent enthusiasm, pulling away from the kiss and mouthing at Sarah's neck, her teeth leaving wet imprints on the skin and her fingers ripping open Sarah's shirt. 

"Fuck, Helena!" Sarah gasped, but didn't tell her to stop; didn't try to calm or gentle her. Sarah felt a rush of heat take her as Helena tore her shirt off of her, reaching her breasts, taking a nipple into her mouth and practically consuming her, tongue and teeth insistently sucking at the quickly reddening flesh. 

Sarah tugged on Helena's hand, pulling it back between her legs; her sister slipped within her all too easily, knowing what she wanted. 

Sarah bucked her hips, driving Helena's fingers deeper inside her, her sister's teeth tugging at her nipple, her thumb circling Sarah's already overly sensitive clit, making her twin writhe and twitch into a shuddering orgasm, pushing her fingers deep inside as Sarah came, sending her into another orgasm and a flood of fluid suddenly rushed from her along with a piercing cry. 

Sarah panted feverishly as she came down from her orgasm; Helena nuzzled Sarah's breasts, still gently circling Sarah's clit with her thumb, making her twitch and moan in delight as she put her arms around Helena's neck, pulling her into a kiss. 

"Stop spoiling me, I'm a selfish enough lover as it is." Sarah grinned against Helena's lips. 

"I do not mind. I am happy to make you come, _sestra_." Helena mumbled into her sister's mouth, settling down on Sarah's stomach, belly down between her legs, resting her chin between Sarah's breasts. 

"What about this, Helena? Me inside you?" Sarah asked, fingers teasing Helena's cunt. 

"I don't know." Helena said blankly, her brow furrowed. 

"D'you want me to try?" 

"Yes, I think." Helena considered the pleasure Sarah always felt when she put her fingers inside her. 

"Yes." Helena nodded. 

But the moment Sarah minutely pressed her finger inside her sister, Helena tensed, paled and shoved her roughly away, "No," she hissed, clamping her thighs together, "No." 

"You ok?" Sarah asked, seeing Helena shaking. 

"Yes. No. I do not want you to do that." Helena's dark eyes took her apart as they had before. 

"Then I won't." Sarah touched her arm. 

"Never?" Helena's jaw set. 

"Never." Sarah shook her head firmly. 

"Then that is good. I do not like." 

"That's ok. If you don't like something, tell me. I'll never do it. I promise." 

"Yes, _sestra_." Helena leant forward and nuzzled against Sarah's cheek. 

"I love you," Sarah pushed Helena's hair back behind her ear. 

"I love you also, _sestra_." Helena kissed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~the end~
> 
> (for now)
> 
> I hope you all loved reading this as much as I love writing it. I'm still stunned by the amount of sarahxhelena shippers out there, and touched by your support for these fics and for me. I honestly couldn't have finished this fic without all your support, it helped me both write and get up in the morning.
> 
> I hope that my fics make you lovely people happy and fulfil your headcanon fantasies, and that I can write more for sarah and helena in the near future

**Author's Note:**

> come see me at my fanfic blog and send me prompts and shite - sarahshelena.tumblr.com :)


End file.
